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State of the Union Color, CoordinatedBy Rick Horowitz [Deep in the Democratic bunker...] "...now play that last part again, OK? Now watch, over in the corner, a little more, a little -- there! See? That's another one!" "That's another one." "See? Didn't I tell you? They're all over the place!" "So what's your point, Terry? They put ink on their fingers? We can see they put ink on their fingers -- can we stop counting now?" "He's right, Terry -- when we get beat, we get beat. We should have thought of the inky fingers ourselves. But it doesn't do us any good to pound ourselves over -- " "You guys still don't get it, do you?" "C'mon, Terry -- of course we get it! The Iraqis who voted last weekend had to dip their fingers in ink so they wouldn't vote twice. So the Republicans dipped their fingers, too. Big deal." "Think, people! It's not just they dipped their fingers. They dipped their fingers in what?" "In solidarity?" "In purple! They dipped their fingers in purple!!" "So? That's the same color ink the Iraqis used. I don't know where Hastert found purple ink for their guys on such short notice, but if he -- " "Roll the tape again." "Terry, you don't have to -- " "Roll the tape again." "But why do -- " "I have a few more things to show you -- and it's not just fingers. A little more, right after this, here it -- there! What do you see?" "That's Congresswoman What's-Her-Name, from -- " "You see a purple dress." "I guess. Actually, it looks more like lavender to -- " "And over here? What do you see over here?" "A vision in lilac?" "Don't be smart with me, guys -- I'm not in the mood." "Fine -- another purple dress. So two Republicans happened to -- " "And here? How about here?" "OK." "Who is she?" "Terry, we know who -- " "Who is she?" "She's Liddy Dole, Terry." "And did Liddy Dole just 'happen' to show up wearing purple? Liddy Dole doesn't 'happen' to do anything! Especially her clothes!" "So -- " "It was all coordinated! They even had the reporter from Fox in on it -- look here, the guy's got a purple tie and a purple handkerchief! You think that's a coincidence?" "Meaning...?" "Meaning they're coming after us. They're not stopping at red -- you know, 'red state, blue state'? They're trying to grab purple, too." "But purple's always been neutral ground!" "Not any more, guys -- they're making their move. And it won't stop there, you mark my words. They get purple, they'll want indigo. They get indigo, they'll -- " "They'll push us right off the spectrum!" "That's what I've been trying to tell you! We can't just sit here -- we have to fight back. And here's the thing: We can't just be on defense all the time." "Make them defend their turf?" "It's the only way." "But how do -- " "By launching a bold, new, top-secret initiative. Behind enemy lines." "Sure, but -- " "Ladies and gentlemen: Introducing the Spring 2005 Democratic Accessories Collection!" "Fuchsia?!!!" "This is war." Posted 2/3/04. For the most colorful commentary anywhere, just click to "Rick's"!
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Rick Horowitz
