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Cheney, armed and dangerous The Veep Eats, Shoots and Leaves: You Got a Problem with That?By Rick Horowitz First of all, they could have been al-Qaeda-affiliated quail. Second of all, it wasn't his fault -- it was the other guy's fault. Third of all, it's not like he killed anybody. Fourth of all, accidents happen. Fifth of all, the news came out eventually -- there wasn't any cover-up. And sixth of all, it isn't a metaphor, so don't go trying to turn it into a metaphor. You just know that the liberals in the mainstream media are licking their chops over this one, not that they're even man enough (except maybe for some of their women) to know which is the business end of a shotgun in the first place. But they'll figure it's a chance to try to embarrass a great American like Dick Cheney who's working day and night protecting their sorry behinds from horrors they can't even imagine, and who's certainly entitled to a little R&R every once in a while, which is just what he was doing when it happened. When the "shooting" happened, I mean. The way they're all carrying on, you'd think he set off a tactical nuke right there on the ranch, but it wasn't like that at all. (Not that he wouldn't if he had to.) He put some pellets into the guy's face and neck and chest -- big deal. Would you rather he waited to make sure the coast was clear and give those quail a chance to escape? He shot as soon as he had the chance -- that's what leaders do: they act. If it had been John Kerry and the rest of that crowd, they'd still be giving those birds their Miranda warnings! And don't tell me the quail weren't any kind of threat. You've got all those migratory routes that take certain kinds of birds clear over here from foreign countries in Asia and the Middle East, which is exactly where the terrorists operate. Dick Cheney knew all that. He also knows that if you let them get a clawhold here in the United States -- even in Texas, which is pretty good at defending itself most of the time -- you're just asking for trouble. How do you know they're not carrying bomb-making materials? Plus don't forget bird flu. You think Osama bin Laden isn't depraved enough to send a bunch of infected quail over here to spread disease and get everybody quarantined so the greatest economy the world has ever known shuts right down? Or chickens in quail suits? Of course he is -- these are terrorists, people! -- and I guarantee he wouldn't lose a minute's sleep over it either. So Cheney gave the shoot-down order, and somebody got in the way. What was he supposed to do? Let them get the jump on us? Go windsurfing? If you start worrying about consequences all the time, you won't do half the things you want to do. Thank God Dick Cheney and George Bush aren't hung up on dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's. See the quail, shoot the quail -- BLAM!! End of discussion. Which doesn't mean you run and blab it to everybody either. You do your business, you get the guy to the hospital if he needs to go to the hospital, and then you get back to work. There's nothing wrong with having a little privacy once in a while -- you think he was going to go on Oprah and apologize? Don't hold your breath. So now all the people who never liked him to begin with, or the president either, are making jokes about it. That, and saying it symbolizes something -- about Iraq, or about Katrina, or trigger-happy, or planning ahead, or whatever their pet peeve happens to be that day. I say it doesn't symbolize a thing, except how desperate certain people are to see Dick Cheney fail, which isn't going to happen. In fact -- you watch -- this whole business is only going to make him even closer to the president than he already was. This is exactly the kind of stuff George Bush admires. Now, if they can just get a few reporters out to that ranch... Posted 2/13/06. Stay
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Rick Horowitz
