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Wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot poll Pushy, Pushy!By Rick Horowitz "Rrriiinnnng! Rrriiinn -- " "Hello?" "Good evening, ma'am. We're doing a survey in your area tonight, and I wonder if we could ask you a couple of questions about the Republican primary -- it won't take long." "Well, I'm kinda busy, but...well, OK, if you're quick about it." "Won't take long at all, ma'am. I guess I should ask you first of all, you are a registered Republican, aren't you? And you're planning to vote in the primary?" "Yes. And yes." "Good! Now, let me ask you, when it comes to the presidential race, would you say you've been paying 'a lot of attention,' 'a fair amount of attention,' 'a little attention,' or 'no attention.'?" "A fair amount, I guess. Mostly what I see on TV." "And have you formed any opinions about the candidates running for the Republican nomination?" "Well, I kinda like what I see with that McCain. They said he's a hero, which I like, and also he seems to stand up for things, which I figure is good for a president." "And how about George W. Bush, the popular and successful governor from Texas? Any opinions about him?" "Not really. Not yet." "I see. Well, let me ask you this: Would you say that a candidate's prior record is 'very important,' 'somewhat important', or 'not at all important' in deciding whether he should be president?" "Oh, between 'very' and 'somewhat,' I guess. Sometimes it's -- " "And so if you had a choice, would you prefer a candidate like Governor Bush, who has a solid record of results, or a candidate who just flaps his jaws about doing things but hasn't really accomplished anything?" "Well, I don't know if I'd -- " "Hypothetically speaking." "Results, I guess. But I know they said McCain's accomplished things, too, so I -- " "Now, ma'am, let me ask you whether you agree or disagree with this statement: 'When it comes to choosing our party's nominee for president, the liberal media elite should just butt out and let us make our own decision.'" "Well, I certainly think we ought to be the ones who -- " "Excellent! Now ma'am, how about this statement: 'A United States senator who was right in the middle of a major savings and loan scandal has a lot of nerve lecturing the rest of us about political corruption.' Agree or disagree?" "Agree, I guess, but didn't I hear that McCain wasn't really -- you are talking about McCain, right?" "I never said that." "Oh. Well, then I agree, I guess. If you're talking hypothetically." "Of course. Now, would your opinion of Chairman McCain be 'more positive' or 'less positive' if you found out that his campaign bus was really being used to transport stolen property across state lines?" "What?" "Not to mention international terrorists." "But -- " "And finally, let me ask you this: Would it bother you 'a lot,' or 'just a little,' if you heard that Chairman McCain has had a long-term, intimate relationship with a sheep?" "He's sleeping with sheep?!" "Well, thanks for chatting with me. I've got lots of other calls to -- " "He's sleeping with sheep?!!" "Bye." Posted 2/15/00. Drop
in on "Rick's" -- or they'll spread rumors about you!
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Rick Horowitz