When to hold 'em...

And When to Fold 'em

By Rick Horowitz

MILWAUKEE -- There are signs -- subtle little signs along the way that your campaign has gone about as far as it can.

The good ones can sense it. Except, of course, when they can't, or when they don't let themselves. (A whiff of the Oval Office can be pretty intoxicating.) But there are signs, and the pros can always spot them.

For instance? For instance:

When the latest polls show you running neck-and-neck with somebody named Asterisk, it may be time to reassess.

When your strongest voting bloc is 38- to 41-year-old poodle trainers, it may be time to reassess.

When the waitress at the diner says, "Didn't you used to run for president?" it may be time to reassess.

There are signs.

It may be time to consider your options when your media budget is a $20 phone card.

It may be time to consider your options when the Acme Finance Co. shows up to repossess your bumper stickers.

It may be time to consider your options when your wife says she has to get back to the kids, and you don't have any kids.

There are signs.

It may be time to call it a day when you've traded in your press bus for a Honda, and there are still empty seats.

It may be time to call it a day when your staff starts stocking up on sunblock, and you were planning a big push in Ohio.

It may be time to call it a day when another campaign wants to buy you for spare parts.

There are signs.

When your Election Night "victory party" gets moved from the Armory auditorium to the Bizbees' rec room, it may be time to pack it in.

When you call for "legalizing gray marriage" and nobody cares, it may be time to pack it in.

When your campaign chairman starts communicating with you through skywriting, it may be time to pack it in.

There are signs.

It may be time to scrap it when your volunteers turn their t-shirts inside out before they hit the streets.

It may be time to scrap it when the networks' satellite trucks are replaced by moving vans.

It may be time to scrap it when the other candidates start saying nice things about you.

There are signs.

When the unions start endorsing you just so they can practice withdrawing their endorsements, it may be time to call it quits.

When your press secretary takes a lunch break and doesn't come back for 11 days, it may be time to call it quits.

When your mother asks you what you've been up to lately, it may be time to call it quits.

There are signs. But:

It's definitely time to get out when your campaign bio starts running on The History Channel.

It's definitely time to get out when Google says it can't find you.

It's definitely time to get out when you actually know the answer to "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Posted 2/17/04. For award-winning political commentary, click to "Rick's" -- he's everyone's favorite son!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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