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Line forms on the right What's Fair is Fair: The SequelBy Rick Horowitz
Jacques Rogge,
President I'm writing to congratulate you on the wonderful Olympic Games currently underway in and around Salt Lake City, and to thank you for your hard work in helping to make the games such a resounding success. I'm sure that all Americans share my sense of pride in serving as host nation to such a gathering, even as we've been deeply touched by the countless examples of friendly competition and extraordinary sportsmanship that transcend national borders. Tipper and I were particularly impressed by the leadership you demonstrated in a matter of great sensitivity -- namely, the judging of the pairs competition in figure skating. Your subtle yet firm guidance led officials of the International Skating Union to a solution that was both historic and eminently fair. To deny a wonderful Canadian couple their share of Olympic gold, and to do so by the narrowest of margins after a judging process that was questionable at best, would have been a clear miscarriage of justice. Instead, you came up with an answer -- gold medals for both pairs of skaters -- that has won widespread praise for its reasonableness and its generosity. Which is why I'm asking for your help. As you might have heard, I was involved not long ago in an incident that closely resembles the controversy you've managed to resolve so creatively. I, too, was denied a major prize I had sought for years and years. I, too, came out on the short end of the score by a margin thinner than a skate blade. And I, too (not to sound like a complainer), was a possible victim of unsavory judging practices that may have skewed the final result. So here's what I want to know: Can you get me declared president? I'm sure you didn't follow our 2000 election campaign in great detail, but certain aspects of that campaign may strike you as strangely familiar. Consider, first, that on election night itself, with the results still very much in doubt, each of the major television networks announced within minutes of one another that my opponent had captured the state of Florida and with it, the presidency. From that moment on, I was skating on thin ice, as it were, in my efforts to be considered the actual victor. How, you may wonder, did these supposedly independent news organizations reach identical conclusions virtually simultaneously, and in the middle of the night? Was there collusion? These are excellent questions. Consider, further, that the final dashing of my hopes came at the hands of the United States Supreme Court, whose judges decided in my opponent's favor by the very same 5-4 margin that was initially used to deny Ms. Sale and Mr. Pelletier what was rightfully theirs. Were any of these Supreme Court members pressured to vote a certain way? Suffice it to say that Justice Antonin Scalia, one of the court's strongest advocates of my opponent's election, has for years had harsh and sarcastic things to say about certain decisions of a fellow justice, one Sandra Day O'Connor. With so much riding on this particular case, did Mr. Scalia push Ms. O'Connor to a questionable decision and even to the brink of tears, much like what may have happened to the French skating judge, Ms. Le Gougne? I'm afraid I don't have indisputable evidence on these matters, but apparently you don't require indisputable evidence before you institute corrective measures, so that shouldn't be a problem. Let me assure you: I'm not looking to have the presidency taken away from my opponent; I simply want my own performance to be recognized in an appropriate manner. Declaring that I, too, am president of the United States would certainly accomplish this, especially if I could also be given a duplicate White House, a duplicate presidential airplane and two or three Cabinet secretaries. I'm sure any such "co-presidency" ceremony would be handled in good taste, and would offer the world another inspiring example of sportsmanship in action. I look forward to your prompt reply. In the meantime: Citius. Altius. Geekius. Sincerely, Al Gore Posted 2/19/02. The
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Rick Horowitz
