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Top to bottom Rank? Some of Them Are Totally Rank!By Rick Horowitz Here's the deal: Say you're vaguely related -- a great-great-great-great-something-or-other-twice-removed -- to an actual president of the United States. Not one of the legendary presidents. One of the other guys. It doesn't bother you, your special relative's absence of eminence; you're proud to have him dangling from your family tree anyway, and you're pretty much reconciled to the fact that, presidentially speaking, he's never going to be considered a biggie. But to rank below William Henry Harrison?! What kind of a kick in the head is that? It's list-making time again. This time around it's a gaggle of presidential historians surveyed by C-SPAN -- 58 scholars turned loose on the 41 gents who've held the highest (if not always the Oval-est) office in the land. These bookish types rated each of our chief execs on 10 different criteria: * Public Persuasion.
Actually, they called that last one "Moral Authority," although the matter of certain intern intimacies must have crossed their minds once or twice, since they rated the current occupant of the White House 41st -- dead last -- in this particular category. Below even Richard Nixon, who's been the gold standard for moral wretchedness for decades. Overall, on the other hand, Bill Clinton was anything but exceptional. In fact, he couldn't have conjured up a more ordinary rating: 21st. There were 20 presidents ranked above him, starting with Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt, George Washington and Teddy Roosevelt. And there were 20 presidents ranked below him, ending with Warren Harding and Franklin Pierce, Andrew Johnson and James Buchanan. Clinton's bound to be disappointed by his middle-of-the-pack performance, although he'll certainly take heart from the likes of Harry Truman -- reviled in his day, but 5th in the hearts of his countrymen (or at least his countrymen's historians) now. Time heals some wounds -- not to mention some heels. But what if you're a shirttail relation of Harding or Pierce, Andrew Johnson or Buchanan? Your guy finished behind William Henry Harrison, who was ranked 37th. William Henry Harrison, whose only noteworthy accomplishment as president was dying almost immediately! Strange but true: William Henry Harrison was president of the United States for exactly one month, and he was sick for pretty much all of it. Seized with the excitement of the moment (or something), Harrison, who was 68 years old, gave a nearly two-hour-long inaugural speech in a chilly rainstorm. Soon he had a cold, and then he had pneumonia, and then he had a funeral. One month. The man produced nothing but phlegm, and he still ranks higher than four of these clowns! What does that tell you about them? (Hint: Plenty.) Somewhere out there, there are presidential relatives in full skulk and deep depression, wishing they'd never even heard of C-SPAN. Can you blame them? Personally, I can't wait to hear more about the administrative skills of Grover Cleveland. Posted 2/22/00. We
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Rick Horowitz