High-school confidential

Cool, Uncool, Cool, Uncool

By Rick Horowitz

So anyways, David was like Bill's best friend all the time Bill was class president, which was really cool because everyone wanted to hang with Bill and he couldn't hang with everyone cause he was so busy all the time, like with running the world?

But David and Bill, they were like this and hung together and slept over in Washington and in California and were buds all the way, and the 18 million didn't hurt either, which is how much David helped raise for Bill to campaign and stuff which definitely made being class president a lot easier. Twice!

So back then, any friend of Bill's -- especially a friend who helped him get 18 million -- was a friend of Hill's too. OK, well not any friend of Bill's, but you can't really count Monica or Jennifer or Paula, they were like special friends. But the other friends? They were all Bill's friends and Hill's friends too, which is what everyone figured David was, like forever.

But then David goes, "I don't like them anymore," and now he's hanging with Barack, which is completely amazing.

David got ticked at Bill because Bill wouldn't do a favor for David's other friend Leonard. This is when Bill was almost done being class president and everyone was like asking Bill for favors before he left, but Bill didn't do whatever this favor was for Leonard but he did one for Marc, who everyone thought was a real sleaze. So David goes, "We're over."

And everyone goes, "So?" Cause what difference does it make? Bill's not class president anymore!

Except that with Bill and Hill it's never over, and now Hill wants to be class president just like Bill was, and she's going, "Well, whoever was Bill's best friend, they're my best friend too and they can't be anyone else's best friend." It's like she expects it.

Only David, he's just not that into her. Maybe he was before, but not now, so anyways he's started hanging with Barack, who wasn't even in the same school when Bill was class president, but he's just the coolest guy since he moved in so now everyone's like, "Hey Barack, you want to be class president?" and Barack, he's cool with that.

But Hill, she's definitely not cool with that.

So anyways, David isn't just hanging with Barack, he's doing what he used to do for Bill -- he's showing him around to all his California friends so they can help Barack run for class president too. He's like, "Whatever you need, Barack."

And Hill's like, "How dare you?"

But it's even worse than that, cause David isn't just hanging with Barack and helping Barack and getting everyone else to help Barack. He's saying things about Hill like she's a polarizer, and she can't ever admit it when she messes up, and nobody'll vote for her for class president, and even that Hill and Bill, they're both like really good liars!

So if David and Hill weren't over before, they're definitely over now.

So then Hill's friends are going to Barack right in front of everyone and they're going, "You can't be David's friend cause he insulted Hill," and Barack's like, "What?" Like she never insulted anyone?

And then they're going, "And you have to give all the money back," and Barack's like, "What??" Like nobody's allowed to be friends unless she says so? Like he's got a lot of nerve even thinking about being class president when she wants to be class president?

And I'm watching how she's handling it, and how Barack's gotten in her head, and I'm like, "She's losing her cool."

Totally.

Posted 2/22/07. Get fresh commentary from syndicated columnist Rick Horowitz twice every week.

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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