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Mistakes were made What They Need is a Sharper ImageBy Rick Horowitz A tragic mistake, some people are calling it. A miscarriage of justice, others insist. What it is, of course, is a perfect marketing opportunity for the entrepreneur with a little imagination. So four white New York City policemen fired 41 shots at an innocent, unarmed black man standing in the doorway of his apartment house. So 19 of the bullets hit the man and killed him. So the jury listened to the officers' testimony, their suspicions and their assumptions -- the victim being unavailable to offer his side of the story -- and said, "Have a nice day." Not guilty on all counts. So what else is new? If these people (they know who they are) are going to insist on living in those kinds of neighborhoods (you know the kind we mean), they're just going to have to get used to this sort of thing. Get used to nervous-but-aggressive cops roaming their streets at high alert, ready to pull the trigger at the slightest provocation -- or even less than that. These people can wait for police attitudes and practices to change. They can wait for juries to put themselves in the victims' shoes. Or they can stop dreaming and get themselves properly equipped. I ask you: Where is the sales genius ready to jump in and fill a need? For the Ever-Ready ID Card, for instance. How many times does an innocent civilian get blown away by some twitchy cops simply because the poor sucker was reaching into his pocket to produce identification, and the police assumed he had something more lethal tucked away in there? With the Ever-Ready ID Card dangling from a sturdy steel chain around every poor neck in every poor part of town, the days of miscommunication are nearly over. Of course, some residents (even in poor neighborhoods) might find the idea of steel chains around their necks demeaning, or at least inconvenient. What an opening for the clever individual who can develop and distribute the Levitating Wallet! The latest advances in biofeedback and microchip circuitry make the technology a snap: Whenever the police approach a "suspicious-looking" -- which is to say, black or brown -- person for questioning, the suspect could direct his wallet to rise from his pocket at a controlled and completely non-threatening rate of speed. The suspect's hands would remain visible at all times, and the chance of the cops mistaking the wallet for a gun would be all but eliminated. Needless to say, the Levitating Wallet would be sold only in a variety of "non-gun" colors like lime green and bubble-gum pink. (You can never be too safe.) Here's another high-tech way to cut down on those bothersome police glitches. The cops who killed Mr. Amadou Diallo, for instance, admitted that they never even considered that he might actually belong in the building where they first spotted him. So any time now, look for someone to hit the jackpot with the Res-I-Dentifier. Establish simple wireless links (transponder rings? pocket transmitters?) to a community's entire low-income housing stock, and then any person standing within 20 feet of his own front door would set off a large neon sign above the entryway: "I LIVE HERE!" Set it to flash every 10 seconds or so, and only the trigger-happiest of cops would be able to squeeze off their deadly rounds and still plead ignorance. Of course, certain people -- and the police have known this for years -- don't conduct themselves in front of houses, even houses they might live in, the way the rest of us do. We stand, we look, we walk. Certain people "lurk" and "peer" -- and most of all, they "slink." Is it any wonder they're always attracting some cop's attention? But not much longer -- not with Slink-Be-Gone Posture Straps. Buckle your standard inner-city denizen into one of these adjustable, form-fitting harnesses, and within minutes, he looks almost as innocent as you do. Add a pair of Slink-Be-Gone Corrective/Protective Boots -- with high-grade steel soles, naturally, to prevent those unfortunate Diallo-style entry wounds to the bottoms of the feet -- and he's totally good to go. Unless he makes any sudden moves. Posted 2/28/00. Make
your move to "Rick's" for fresh commentary twice every week! (And keep
your hands where we can see them.)
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Rick Horowitz