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Haitian farewell This Way to the Egress?By Rick Horowitz
"He
felt as though he was kidnapped." Congressman Charles Rangel "He was not kidnapped." Secretary of State Colin Powell
(Of course, it
could have gone something like this...) Riiing-riiing, riiing-ri -- "Hallo?" "Good evening, sir! Am I speaking to a member of the Aristide household?" "What time is -- yes, the Aristide household. But it is the middle of the night, no?" "Hope we haven't disturbed you, sir -- would this happen to be the head of the Aristide household? Someone who makes decisions for the family?" "For the family? Yes. And also for the entire country. I am -- " "Excellent! My name is Jim and I'm calling on behalf of Foggy Bottom Travel and we're conducting an exciting new promotional event which will only take a minute of your time to see if you qualify by answering just a couple of questions it won't take very long at all." "More slowly please? I am still nearly sleeping." "Just a couple of questions, sir, to test your knowledge of history and current events. Now, Question No. 1: Which Caribbean nation has experienced more than 30 armed coups in its 200 years of existence?" "Ah, this is an easy one: Haiti, of course! I myself have been deposed by -- " "You're absolutely right, sir! Now, let's see how you do with Question No. 2: Which Caribbean nation is currently teetering on the edge of disaster, with armed rebels and political opponents of the existing leadership growing more powerful by the day, and the lives of thousands of innocent civilians increasingly at risk in all the turmoil?" "Again it is Haiti! Although with proper assistance, I -- " "Congratulations, sir -- you're a winner! You've won Foggy Bottom Travel's Grand Prize: an all-expenses-paid vacation trip for you and your family! Leave your worries behind as you and your loved ones jet off to faraway places for nonstop adventure! Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn't it?" "Very wonderful, to be sure. I am very much looking forward to it, but in calmer times, yes? At this moment, many things are hectic, and I do not see how I -- " "Did I mention, sir, that this particular Grand Prize is only available for a limited time?" "A limited time?" "Eight o'clock tomorrow morning. After that, I'm afraid you'll no longer be eligible to claim your prize." "But why -- " "For that matter, after that, I'm afraid there's every chance your bullet-riddled body will be hanging from a flagpole somewhere in Port-au-Prince." "But -- " "Perhaps you'd like to reconsider?" "But how -- " " -- will we get you to the plane? No problem! Our highly trained and well-equipped team of professional travel escorts will accompany you to the airport and guarantee your safe passage to a fun-filled destination more or less of your own choosing. But we'll need your decision. Right now. Understand?" "Yes, but -- " "Then it's settled." Posted 3/2/04. Click
to "Rick's" to keep up with all the comings and goings!
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Rick Horowitz
