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Bow WOW! When Good Dogs Go Jumping -- He's Glued to the TubeBy Rick Horowitz
This isn't about trying to figure out how in the world a perfectly normal, perfectly sensible American family came to be watching small dogs making large leaps across a TV screen. That's simple: It was on. So they watched it. This is about trying to figure out why this perfectly normal, perfectly sensible American family kept watching the small dogs making the large leaps, and not only kept watching -- this was just a few nights ago -- but got instantly and totally into it, as if the most important question in the universe at that particular moment were whether Doodle or Crazy Alice or one of the other canine contenders would jump, dart, scoot and dash around the obstacle course in the fastest time of all and take home...whatever it was they were competing for. A chew toy. A fur-lined flea collar. An endorsement deal. We -- that is to say, certain members of this unidentified (but perfectly normal, you'll have to take my word for it) American family -- were captivated. It was the Doggie Agility Olympics, right there on TV! And people say there's nothing good on cable... Actually, "Doggie Agility Olympics" wasn't its official name, but hey -- certain people were much too excited to take detailed notes. Did you know that dogs are agile? (Of course you did.) Did you know that some dogs are more agile than other dogs? (You hadn't thought much about it, but now that you do, it only makes sense, doesn't it?) But did you ever think that some TV programmer somewhere would be inspired to send these dogs snout-to-snout in prime time -- shelties and shepherds, poodles and wolfhounds -- to crown an actual agility champion? What it was was a grab bag of roadblocks and annoyances each of the dogs had to overcome -- or undercome, or even aroundcome -- while their handlers pointed and shouted and tried to keep their frisky little partners frisking in the right direction without even the slightest confusion. There were the hurdles, of course; you can't have an obstacle course without hurdles. And there was the "A-frame" -- up the incline and quickly down the other side. And the teeter-totter -- up the incline and a moment's pause just beyond the tipping point. And tubes of various shapes and sizes to whoosh through. And don't forget the "weave poles" -- to the untrained eye, simply a doggie-scale slalom course, but to the excited announcers, "weave poles," as in "She's really blazing through those weave poles!" And she was really blazing through those weave poles, yes indeed. And we -- yes, we (I can be coy no longer) -- were cheering her on. And cheering for all the rest of them, too. It's absolutely amazing: You tuck a digital clock into the corner of a TV screen, and suddenly you've got yourself a compelling attraction. It doesn't matter who (or in this case, what) is competing with the clock; as long as the tenths and the hundredths are ticking away, you've got drama, complete with instant fans -- and, of course, instant experts. "Great footwork!" we shout. "Not tight enough out of the turn!" we cry. "She's not gonna make it!" we scream. "Go!!" And when one poor dog turns the wrong way and is disqualified, simply turns the wrong way exiting an obstacle and misses the next one altogether, and when this poor dog's mishap occurs not five seconds after one of us (I'm not naming names) has wondered -- out loud, mind you -- whether this handler's hand signals aren't a bit too vague -- well, you'd have thought our middle name was Kennel Club. Such grinning! Such gloating! It doesn't last long. The next dog hits the course and it's thrills and chills all over again as we watch these wonderfully groomed, superbly trained animals racing the clock, bounding over the hurdles, up the incline, across the teeter-totter, through the tubes, in and out of the weave poles -- I'm trying to imagine a cat putting up with this. Posted 3/3/00. Fresh
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Rick Horowitz