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By Rick Horowitz

It's the top of the hour -- here's what's making headlines:

* The Bush administration insisted today that last weekend's capture of top al Qaeda strategist Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was the result of extremely close cooperation between U.S. and Pakistani authorities. Said one senior American official, "They kicked in the door exactly where we told them to."

* Still struggling to win international backing for toppling Saddam Hussein, President Bush today praised those members of the U.N. Security Council who support U.S. plans to invade Iraq. Speaking at a White House ceremony this afternoon, the president declared, "Ich bin ein Bulgarian!"

* In brief remarks to reporters after the ceremony, the president also indicated that he was still prepared to go it alone if Security Council support is not forthcoming. Said Mr. Bush, "Who needs the Frenchians anyway?"

* Meanwhile, at the Justice Department today, Attorney General John Ashcroft is said to be investigating reports that "Iraq" rhymes with "Chirac."

* Pentagon officials asserted today that they were not surprised that the Turkish parliament denied permission for U.S. forces to use that country to launch a second front against Iraq. Said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, "There's a reason they're called 'Turkey.'"

* Meanwhile, the White House continues to argue that close ties exist between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. But in a taped message broadcast early this morning on the Arab television network al Jazeera, bin Laden claimed that he and Hussein were "just friends."

* It was a close encounter of the aerial kind -- four North Korean fighter jets coming as close as 50 feet to an Air Force spy plane off the Korean coast last weekend. But Vice President Dick Cheney said today that escalating tensions with North Korea did not constitute a "crisis." "A crisis," explained Cheney, "is when Saddam starts destroying his missiles."

* North Korea contended again today that its decision to restart a long-dormant nuclear reactor should not be a cause for world concern. The reactor, Pyongyang declared, would simply be used to meet that impoverished country's energy needs. North Korea also announced that uranium fuel rods make excellent bookshelves, and that plutonium is a very tasty dessert topping.

* In Washington, a new strategy to foil terrorists' access to potential targets in the nation's capital without putting a further crimp in local law-enforcement budgets. The plan, announced this morning by D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams and Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, is called "Operation Enduring Pothole."

* Also in Washington this morning, a joint statement from the nine Democratic presidential contenders, declaring their strong opposition to "whichever parts of the war don't work out so well."

* In other news, a new national campaign announced today by the American Cookout Association. Suggesting that hamburgers and hot dogs are ideal comfort foods in a time of turmoil, the ACA start began a coast-to-coast effort to build "a coalition of the grilling."

* Recent solar disturbances in the upper atmosphere have meant garbled TV transmissions for millions of American viewers in recent weeks. Network executives confirmed today that actor Robert Blake did not deny "having weapons of mass destruction." Nor did Dan Rather tell Saddam Hussein that he had "one hot pair of buns."

* And finally: With excitement building for this year's Academy Awards, the show's producers are taking steps to minimize controversy. Oscar winners are being asked not to make statements about the looming conflict in the Persian Gulf. And the Academy reminded all presenters again today that the word "Pianist" has three syllables.

Posted 3/4/03. For news you won't find anywhere else, stick with Rick!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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