Subtle is as subtle does

Monica Flashy? It All Depends

By Rick Horowitz

Everyone says subtlety has gone out of style, but that is like so wrong! I can't even believe people would think that.

I'm talking about (you probably figured it out already) You Know Who talking with Barbara Walters about You Know What. I know I said I wasn't going to watch it -- I mean, so she had this thing going on with this older guy who's married, and who also just happens to be the President of the Whole United States. Like I care?

But I couldn't help myself, and I guess it was worth it. Her hair looked great, and also one of the main things she was talking about which everyone was already really interested in is how the whole thing got started, which means the famous thong. And what she said which I thought was pretty cool was that it was just a "small, subtle, flirtatious gesture." (I wrote it down.)

And right away I heard it and I knew that some people would take it totally the wrong way. They'd go, "How subtle can it be to show your underwear to the President?" which I understand is a question some people would honestly have. But I think it was.

First of all, "subtle" isn't like one thing all the time. People are always doing things people didn't do before, so maybe you think it's a big deal at first but it really isn't. There's that song Mom plays sometimes about how in olden days "a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking"? Except that a glimpse of stocking didn't seem so shocking even by the time they wrote about it, whenever that was. It was practically like quaint! And a thong's the same as a stocking, only higher.

Anyway, before long, people are going to hear what she did with the thong and the President and they'll go, "So? That's nothing compared to now." In a couple of years, it'll look so subtle you won't believe it -- she's just ahead of her time saying it to Barbara Walters in front of everyone.

The other thing is, even looking at it right now, it's still pretty subtle what she did. I mean, it's not like the two of them were standing around in the White House talking about education reform or whatever and she suddenly goes, "Hey, get a look at this initiative!"

It wasn't like that at all. You heard what she told Barbara -- it was like a dance. Both of them were making eye contact and sending signals and raising the stakes. And she wanted him to know she was interested, too, so she flashed him.

But subtly.

I mean, if she had been totally obvious about it, they probably would have started messing around right then and there. But because she was so subtle, they didn't get cranked up until later. The same day, but later.

And I guess she was subtle other times, too, like the one she told to that newspaper in England, which got printed here anyway. She has on this short green skirt this one day and I guess she likes being complimented on how she looks, especially by a President, and he says he likes this skirt. So she goes, "You like it?" And he goes, "I'd like to see what's underneath it."

So of course she shows him -- he's like the Commander in Chief!

And he was pretty subtle, too, when you think about it, especially for a President. He didn't go, "Take off your skirt!" or "Show me your underpants!" or anything, which I guess he could have said, since that's what he wanted and they were in his private office, which is where he has the most power. He goes, "I'd like to see what's underneath it," which was like a preference, not an order, so you can totally see why she'd fall for him.

When it comes to subtlety, they were like made for each other.

Posted 3/4/99. Fresh stuff right here twice weekly!

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