The return of John McCain

Sense of the Senate

By Rick Horowitz

"We're not going to have a parade or anything like that."

Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, on the return of John McCain

WHEREAS our fellow Republican John McCain has devoted his life to the service of his country, enduring in the course of that service hardships unimaginable to most citizens; and

WHEREAS in his long and courageous resistance to those hardships, John McCain exhibited qualities of character, loyalty and patriotism that are by any measure heroic; and

WHEREAS that heroism has stood John McCain in good stead in his dealings with the American people, energizing and inspiring untold numbers of voters young and old, not to mention goosing the sales of that book of his; and

WHEREAS John McCain conducted his recent campaign for the presidency of the United States in a dignified manner (except for the cranky parts); and

WHEREAS John McCain, having suspended his campaign for the presidency, has now come marching back into the Senate behaving like he actually won the thing; and

WHEREAS the media continue to treat John McCain as the greatest invention since sliced bread, notwithstanding the fact that he's hardly the first member of this body to seek a presidential nomination, nor will he be the last, nor, when you come right down to it, did he do that much better than some of the rest of us have done; and

WHEREAS John McCain has suddenly become a highly popular figure among our Republican colleagues in the House of Representatives who haven't had the pleasure of dealing with him on a day-to-day basis (which ought to tell you something); and

WHEREAS John McCain is now in far greater demand to campaign for vulnerable Republican congressional candidates than George W. Bush, our party's all-but-certain nominee, and how do you think that makes George W. feel?; and

WHEREAS public speculation is already rampant that, by his efforts on behalf of these candidates, John McCain is positioning himself to secure our party's nomination in 2004 should George W. Bush falter in November, and how do you think that makes George W. feel?; and

WHEREAS John McCain had plenty to say during his campaign about how corrupt and money grubbing his Senate colleagues were; and

WHEREAS a little of that goes a long way; and

WHEREAS John McCain didn't hesitate to suggest further that the Republican party was out of touch with America, and the tool of the rich and the well-connected; and

WHEREAS we could have done without that, too, thank you very much; and

WHEREAS if John McCain thinks we're going to roll over for him on campaign-finance reform or any of the rest of his pie-in-the-sky agenda, he's got another think coming; and

WHEREAS we're just a little bit tired of this "I'm the only honest man in Washington" routine; and

WHEREAS if John McCain was hard to get along with before, he's going to be absolutely insufferable now;

NONETHELESS...

RECOGNIZING the millions of supporters that John McCain has attracted coast to coast; and

APPRECIATING the simple wisdom of Lyndon Johnson's observation that he'd rather have a man inside the tent urinating out than outside the tent urinating in;

THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the Senate Republican Caucus that:

WE WELCOME John McCain back to his duties in the "world's greatest deliberative body"; and

WE EMBRACE John McCain as a true friend and a great American; and

CONSIDERING the alternative:

WE'D RATHER stay dry.

Posted 3/23/00. Have you resolved to come back to "Rick's"? You'll find the real thing right here twice weekly!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator and public speaker

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