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How does he serve thee? Let him count the ways... And (Almost) Nothing but the TruthBy Rick Horowitz "There will be a box score, and there will be that one negative. And then there will be the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times when the record will show that I did not abuse my authority as president, that I was truthful with the American people..." Bill Clinton, on lying. "...to prevent any more fistfights on the floor of the House. Peter?" "Thanks, Cokie. Now let's go right to Sam, who's at his regular post on the White House lawn. Sam, I understand you've got some breaking news for us?" "That's right, Peter. We've just received the latest report from the White House Press Office, and according to their figures, President Clinton told the truth another 117 times last week -- and that's out of 117 opportunities, they say, so it's quite an impressive record." "No negatives at all?" "Not last week, Peter -- not according to the White House, anyway. And if my quick calculations are correct, that makes 198 straight times the president has told the truth in the two weeks the White House has been supplying us with these numbers." "All this, of course, part of the White House effort to back the president's recent statement that on balance, at least, his record is overwhelmingly one of candor and honesty." "Exactly, Peter. Now naturally, we need to take these numbers with a grain of salt. After all, the White House isn't supplying any details about the particular circumstances in which the president told the truth, or -- " "So it could be something as innocuous as 'What time is it?' 'It's 2 o'clock'. They'd count that as telling the truth? Assuming it was, in fact, 2 o'clock?" "I'm sure they'll take what they can get, Peter." "And the 'abuse of authority' numbers? What's the latest there?" "Another good week for Mr. Clinton, Peter. According to the White House, there were 22 separate occasions last week on which the president could have abused his authority as president, but didn't. In fact, we hear that at least five times last week, it would have been very simple to abuse his authority as president, but Mr. Clinton still chose not to do so." "Very impressive. The two-week figures then?" "If memory serves, Peter, I think that makes 36 for not abusing his authority, and the 198 for telling the truth." "Now tell us about the scoreboard." "Well, this is quite interesting, Peter. Apparently the White House feels so confident in the president's commitment to telling the truth and not abusing his authority that they want to install an electronic scoreboard on the White House roof to keep a running total. It would be like one of those world-population clocks you see along some highways -- " "Or the signs at McDonald's? 'Over 95 Billion Truths'?" "Much smaller numbers, Peter, but the same general idea." "Tell me this, Sam: Are your White House sources at all concerned about the reaction the president's statement has received in some quarters?" "I assume you're talking about the Kaczynski thing, Peter. They admit they were a little bit perturbed when Theodore Kaczynski published that 40,000-word article listing all the people he hadn't blown up. And then, of course, there was Slobodan Milosevic's statement at his press conference last week." "'Some days, I'm a pussycat.' The White House didn't appreciate that?" "I think the White House would much rather people compare the president to someone like Dennis Rodman -- a wonderfully talented basketball player, superbly gifted, even if every so often he does something that crosses the line." "Interesting. I wonder, Sam: Do you sense any regret on the part of the White House staff? I mean that their president, who cares so deeply about his place in history, is reduced to being compared to cross-dressing, tattooed athletes instead of the likes of Jefferson and Lincoln?" "Funny you should mention that, Peter. I don't think they've given up on those other comparisons entirely. In fact, just in the past few days, three different White House officials have mentioned President Lincoln to me." "And do you -- " "They call him Generally Honest Abe." Posted
3/23/99. Fresh stuff right here twice weekly! (Would he lie
to you?)
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