Keeping things cool

MORE good stuff

Looking for the hits you missed? Try Recent Rick for tons o' fun.

VINTAGE rick

It was nearly unimaginable back then: Israelis and Palestinians shaking hands on the White House lawn. It's even harder to imagine now. Remember September of '93 in this Vintage Rick!

NEW seasonal fave

Why do they call it "traveling" if you're standing still? And can't anyone do something about it? Get moving with this Seasonal Fave!

Get back to Rick's home page by clicking here


Jesse in the middle

Lights! Camera! Jackson!

By Rick Horowitz

SLIDEWHISTLE, TENN., The Day After Tomorrow -- A bitter dispute between two longtime residents of this tiny town took an unexpected turn today with the arrival of activist and civil rights leader Jesse Jackson.

The Rev. Jackson's mission, announced in an impromptu news conference at Slidewhistle-Tenterhook Municipal Airport and Quik-Stop, was to bring about peace between Edwin Stutz and Jimmy Roy Cantanker. The two men had been neighbors for more than two decades, and good friends for most of that time -- that is, until Mr. Cantanker borrowed Mr. Stutz's gas-powered lawn mower to do some yard work.

Depending on who's telling the story, either Mr. Cantanker, 57, ran a perfectly fine machine into a line of decorative boulders at the south end of his property, totally destroying a perfectly good set of mower blades, or Mr. Stutz, 63, loaned his friend a lawn mower that he knew was defective from the get-go, and is absolutely crazy if he expects Mr. Cantanker to buy him a new one.

That purchase, or any reconciliation between the two men, will occur "when pigs sprout wings," Mr. Cantanker insists. Mr. Stutz, for his part, says he's willing to resume the friendship "the minute I see a new mower in my shed."

It was to untangle this knotty problem that Mr. Jackson made his first-ever visit to Slidewhistle this afternoon.

"We can come together in the sight of God and all these cameras," Mr. Jackson declared on his arrival. "We can learn from this loan and the length of this lawn." Spokesmen for the two antagonists said they had not invited Mr. Jackson to try to settle their dispute, and had no idea what he was talking about.

Mr. Jackson may have been referring to the airport's recently installed one-camera security system, or to a camera phone carried by another passenger on his flight. In either event, his presence clearly added a sudden jolt of excitement to a town unaccustomed to such celebrity drop-ins.

The visit comes on the heels of Mr. Jackson's involvement in two other, far higher-profile cases -- an hour-long interview with the entertainer Michael Jackson, followed by an appearance outside the Florida hospice that was then caring for Terri Schiavo. Aides to the Rev. Jackson explained that he'd unexpectedly found himself with several free hours on his schedule this week, and had determined that his time could be most productively used in Slidewhistle.

"It's like Jesse always taught us," said one aide. "The first word in 'mediate' is 'media.'"

These same aides also tried to deflect widespread criticism that Mr. Jackson had been something of a Jesse-come-lately to the Schiavo case.

Said one, "He figured just like everybody else, that the Michael Jackson trial was the biggest story around -- how was he supposed to know the other thing would get so much attention? As soon as he realized it, he was on the next plane."

Meanwhile, the feuding neighbors, Mr. Stutz and Mr. Cantanker, were reported to be considering Mr. Jackson's offer of assistance. On the plus side: Mr. Jackson's long record of bringing even bitter antagonists to common ground. On the minus side: The sense that Mr. Jackson is occasionally motivated as much by the limelight as by the particular issue itself.

In fact, as the two neighbors continued to mull the possibilities, Mr. Jackson made it clear that their window of opportunity was a small one, and that he had plenty of other options -- and plenty of other cameras -- right here in Slidewhistle.

"It's Talent Night at Miss Edna's Tiny Tots," Mr. Jackson pointed out, "and the middle school is doing 'Cats.'"

Posted 4/5/05. Stay on top of the news (real and imagined) with award-winning commentary from syndicated columnist Rick Horowitz.


Send Rick a note!Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

Google
Search the Web Search Rick's!
Click for more hijinks and mayhem!

©2005 Rick Horowitz. All rights reserved.

Napkin, from the movie Casablanca

 This fan keeps the hot air moving around

Napkin, from the movie Casablanca

Cluck! Cluck!