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Trust us There's Information, and There's InformationBy Rick Horowitz
"Everything
is OK." "...on every front, where brave Iraqi soldiers continue to vanquish the American invaders and their British lackeys. We are bringing every day their utter humiliation and destruction, as promised time after time in the solemn vows of his excellency Saddam Hussein. So now I will be pleased to reply to your questions. Yes? From the BBC?" "Thank you, Mr. Minister. I wonder if you could tell us, sir, how your statement this morning squares with the reports we've been receiving from our own correspondents, let alone from our respective governments. Our information is that coalition forces are now in control of quite significant portions of Iraq, that they continue to extend their control even to the presidential palaces in this city, and that your forces both north and south are taking extremely heavy casualties." "This is not true, what you are saying. The victorious Iraqi armies have driven the invading forces into the dirt, and soaked them in their own evil blood. The time is fast approaching when the Americans and their puppets will be obliged to surrender and cry for mercy." "With due respect, sir, our information is directly to the contrary. In fact, by all accounts, we seem to be witnessing a complete rout of Iraqi forces, and -- " "This is absolutely false." "How so?" "You say 'by all accounts.' Have you heard this in my account?" "But -- " "So already your information is erroneous, and right before your eyes. Next question. Yes?" "Thanks, Mr. Minister. About the airport -- is it still your position that the airport remains in Iraqi hands?" "Completely in Iraqi hands, yes. All the invading forces were quickly and devastatingly repelled at the gates of Saddam International Airport, where -- " "Excuse the interruption, chief, but there isn't any Saddam International Airport anymore. They renamed the place Baghdad International when they took it over." "Then this confirms what I am telling you: There are no invaders at Saddam International Airport." "Because the name changed?!" "Because of many reasons. Because the Iraqi armies are steadfast and unflinching. Because of the deadly power of Iraqi weapons. Because the invaders were no match for our courage. Because, yes, how can one seize control of something that no longer exists?" "So you're saying the Americans aren't in control of Saddam International, but they are in control of Baghdad International?" "There are no American soldiers anywhere in Iraq." "But you just -- and all the footage of American soldiers on the runways?" "If there are Americans on the runways, it is to flee while they still can. One more? Yes?" "Realistically, Mr. Minister, how much longer can your government continue to operate? I'm thinking of all the key government buildings that now lie in ruins, as well as -- " "There are no buildings in ruins -- there are only buildings undergoing remodeling. This is in accordance with his excellency Saddam Hussein's longstanding plan for renewal of cities." "Renewal going well, is it?" "Beyond even our wildest dreams." Posted 4/7/03. Get
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Rick Horowitz
