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After "The Hammer" falls Boo-Boo Gone -- All Better!By Rick Horowitz
One day after DeLay, the skies over Washington were sunny and blue, and gentle breezes came wafting out of the south. All over town, traffic lights were perfectly synchronized, and all the elevators ran on time. Up on Capitol Hill, people threw open their windows for the first time in months. Two days after DeLay, tiny shoots broke through the soil at dawn, and were in full flower by lunchtime. Birds swooped and swirled in total harmony along the banks of the Potomac. Inside the House chamber, Republican A crossed the aisle to have a word with Democrat B. No blows were exchanged. Three days after DeLay, a serious-looking young man gave his seat on the Metro to an equally serious-looking older woman without first determining her position on the war in Iraq. The woman accepted the seat, and only briefly considered accusing the man of sexism, ageism or frivolousism. Inside the House chamber, Democrat C crossed the aisle to have a word with Republican D. C-SPAN cameras appeared to show the two men smiling. At one point, Republican D put his hand on Democrat C's back without apparent resistance. Four days after DeLay, traffic signs all along the Beltway suddenly became understandable to residents and tourists alike, and there were no incidents of road rage anywhere in the Washington area. Inside the House chamber, Republicans E and F accepted an amendment offered by Democrats G, H and I and thanked them for improving the bill, which then passed with broad bipartisan support. Five days after DeLay, the baby panda at the National Zoo bought a dozen bags of souvenirs to send to the cousins back in China. Just outside the House chamber, Democrat J and Republican K agreed to meet for breakfast to talk about topics that concerned them both. Six days after DeLay, the cherry blossoms along the Tidal Basin announced that they were enjoying themselves so much that they would stay in bloom all through the spring, and then bloom a second time on the first day of summer. It was, the blossoms said, "the least we could do." In the House gym, Republican L showed Democrat M how to use her iPod. Democrat M complimented Republican L on her excellent taste in music. Seven days after DeLay, K Street was converted to a pedestrian mall. Jugglers and unicyclists entertained the crowd, and all the lobbyists turned into bunny rabbits. In the House chamber, Republican N described Democrat O as "an honest man trying his best to tackle a difficult issue," and then disagreed with Democrat O's approach without impugning his patriotism. The House clerk ordered an extra supply of smelling salts. Eight days after DeLay, the statue of Abraham Lincoln stood up and danced at the Lincoln Memorial. Although no photographs were available, there were several witnesses. In the House chamber, Democrat P and Republican Q reported that the House Ethics Committee had been brought back to life with new leadership and a clear mandate to enforce the rules. The House clerk doubled his order of smelling salts. Nine days after DeLay, radio talk-show hosts went almost 12 hours without insulting anyone. In the House chamber, Republicans and Democrats voted unanimously for mixed seating. Ten days after DeLay, the skies over Washington were filled with thunderclaps and trumpet blasts. In the House TV studio, the Speaker announced that since Tom DeLay was gone, all the Republicans' problems were gone, and that there was no reason not to keep them in charge of absolutely everything. Posted 4/7/06. For
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Rick Horowitz
