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If you can't say anything nice... More Gush from the VeepBy Rick Horowitz "Of all the criticisms of President Clinton that I've heard, the one that rings the most hollow is that he has pushed small ideas, little proposals." Al Gore, trying to compliment his boss "Of all the good things I could say about President Clinton -- I could tell you about the many, many times when I have seen him, especially in the early years, nearly buckle under the pressure of his office, but never do so." Al Gore, same event, still trying He certainly has a way with words, doesn't he? So it's only a matter of time before Eloquent Al offers up a few more...testimonials: "Now, many people say that the worst thing about President Clinton is his willingness to twist the English language into knots when it serves his interests. I don't agree -- in fact, as character flaws go, I wouldn't even rate it in his top ten." "People who've had the chance to work closely with President Clinton over the years know that his incredible temper is really just his way of showing how much he cares about things. And once he's finally calmed down, he's always the first one in the room to totally forget what all the screaming was about." "I've never met anyone who studies those campaign-finance laws more closely than President Clinton does. If there's something ambiguous there, or confusing, or if there's a loophole, you just know that he'll find it faster than anyone." "What some people don't realize about President Clinton is what a wonderful sense of humor he has, even when the stresses of the job nearly drive him bonkers. I remember a joke he told just last week about Vladimir Putin, a boiled radish and Janet Reno -- I thought I'd split my sides!" "I see where John McCain has admitted misleading the American people about his true position on that Confederate battle flag in South Carolina. People think that's such a brave thing for a politician to do. Well, I remember when President Clinton admitted misleading the American people -- and that was way before John McCain ever did!" "Who cares if Hillary threw a lamp at him? At least she didn't hit him." "If there's one lesson that President Clinton has learned during his years in the White House, it's that it's not the misbehavior that hurts you, it's the cover-up." "There's a big difference between threatening to kidnap Trent Lott and actually doing it." "People say President Clinton is obsessed with his place in history. That all depends on what you mean by 'obsessed.'" "He's in pretty good shape for a guy who eats all that junk food." "I really believe that the president's relationship with Monica Lewinsky was an aberration. His taste in women was generally much better than that." "Some men just don't look good in a garter belt and a thong. Luckily, President Clinton knows that about himself." "He's not half as manipulative as people say he is." "If he's as whiny and self-indulgent as some people claim, how come you've never heard him say a word about the rash?" "People often ask me as I travel around the country: Is it true that, despite everything that's happened to him, President Clinton still has the appetites of an alley cat? And I can say to these people in complete confidence: How would I know?" Posted 4/20/00. Tell
your friends about "Rick's" -- they'll have only the nicest things to
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Rick Horowitz