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Not too slick ...As in "Bore"By Rick Horowitz "...then put in that stuff about 'We're confident we'll prevail,' and 'Our air power is degrading his forces every day' and -- you know the drill. Then sign it 'Best wishes, Bill Cl -- '" "Excuse me for interrupting, Mr. President. The vice president is here to see you. He says it's urgent." "Well, send him in then. We'll get through -- Al, come on in! -- the rest of those letters later, OK? Give us a couple of minutes." "Good morning, Mr. President. You've seen the latest poll numbers?" "Amazing, aren't they? I'm beating Milosevic 4-to-1 with suburban women, with independents, with gun owners -- " "Those aren't the numbers I'm talking about." "You mean those other numbers? Relax -- it's still early." "You keep telling me 'it's still early.' I keep falling farther and farther behind like this, pretty soon it'll be too late!" "Will you just relax? And look calm. You show fear out there, they'll eat you alive." "But look at the numbers! I'm down 20-some points to Bush, I'm even losing to Liddy Dole, for God's sake, and she's never run for anything bigger than a taxi!" "In those shoes? Never!" "You know what I -- " "Have to admit, though, she's got great legs for a woman her -- " "Can we forget about Liddy Dole's legs?!" "Now, Al, you know I'm doing everything I can for you. I'm even trying to keep this Kosovo thing under control, although I gotta tell you, I don't know how much longer I can -- " "They say I'm boring!" "They've been saying that for years!" "But now it's starting to matter! They think I'm boring, and they think I don't care about their problems. Not as much as you do." "Look, Al. Nixon had the same thing with Eisenhower. Bush had it with Reagan. It's hard to look good when you're working for some really popular, really charismatic, really successful politician." "Thanks for the vote of confidence." "You know what I mean! Pretty soon you'll move out of my shadow, and then your numbers'll start to go right back up again. Trust me." "That's the other problem: They don't trust you. In the polls, I mean -- people are saying they're tired of all the scandals and they're ready for a change." "So?" "A total change! They're blaming me for you! I guess they think you got away with things, so they're taking it out on me!" "Well, we have been kind of a team, haven't we? I mean, I've really valued -- " "But I'm not you! I'm not anything like you! I'm not anything like you more than I'm not anything like anyone I've ever known!" "Have you considered flirting?" "What?!!" "Not a lot. Just a little. Some intern. Madeleine Albright. It doesn't matter who -- just enough to let people know there's a naughty streak in there somewhere." "You're out of your mind! You want me to -- ?" "You don't have to do anything. You just have to grab people's...imagination a little bit. They're not voting for hall monitor, you know." "This is crazy. They're blaming me for -- " "Sorry to interrupt, Mr. President. Your next appointment is here." "We'll be through in a minute. Anyway, you were saying...?" "I was saying they're blaming me for my behaving. And now they're also blaming me for your misbehaving!" "Look, nobody said it was fair. In fact, Hillary and I were laughing about it just last night." "You and Hillary were laughing about your misbehaving?" "Actually, I guess I was the one laughing." "And Hillary?" "She was throwing lamps again. Boy, talk about air power!" Posted
4/21/99. Have you shared this site with your friends? (What
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