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You're a winner! (Now what?) And Who's This Guy Named "Manual"?By Rick Horowitz
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of Persian Gulf State Model S-1043B-LZT (Iraq). You have made a fine acquisition, one which will bring you many years of happy enjoyment. (NOTE: The previous sentence is a statement of expectations on the part of the vendor, and should in no way be construed for legal purposes as a guarantee of customer satisfaction. Other exclusions may apply.) Model S-1043B-LZT is part of the popular series of Formerly Rogue States, and has been designed by skilled craftsmen for ease of use by owners at all levels of diplomatic knowledge. While overall functionality will be determined in part by owner's previous experience with similar equipment, an excellent enjoyment can be had in all cases. Owning a Persian Gulf State is a large responsibility, and the prudent owner will take all necessary actions to bring about the desired effects. The most pleasure is possible by following the instructions contained in this User's Manual, which has been written to guide the purchaser step by step through the processes. Consult this User's Manual frequently, as it contains many helpful "tips" for all stages of ownership. I. STANDARD SET-UP In a large open area free from obstructions (e.g. tabletop, desert), remove from box and set out the following components: * Soldiers of Liberation * Liberated Smiling Citizens * Liberated Frowning Citizens * Liberated Shouting Citizens * Liberated Shooting Citizens Carefully combine all components above, being sure that Power Generator Model R-22AX and Water Purification Plant Model D-4033872 are set in the "OFF" position for a minimum of two (2) weeks, and in the "ON AND OFF" position sporadically after. Please notice that each of the "Citizens" groups described above is further divided into ethnic and/or religious and/or national origins, including: * Shiite Muslim * Sunni Muslim * Arab * Persian * Kurdish * Turkish * Other Groups should be encouraged to work together in a cooperative manner to best achieve the goals of all. (Note: Vendor makes no representations regarding willingness of groups to work together, or to agree on "goals of all." Vendor not responsible for blood stains.) Remove from box the following additional components: * Potential Leaders (Civil/Indigenous) * Potential Leaders (Civil/Exile) * Potential Leaders (Religious/Radical) * Former Leaders (Hiding) Place some or all of above in large meeting rooms to "haggle over" future functions, organization and direction of nation. Place others outside room to attempt disruption. (Note: Can also use E-Z Set-Up and install Your Own Guy Model X-301GD. (Sold separately.) For installation instructions, see Appendix B, Sections ix - xxxvi.) Remove from box the following Potential Rebuilding Resources: * Vast oil reserves * Widespread education * Priceless cultural artifacts (Note: Contents may have settled during shipping.) Attempt to connect above components with components above, constructing lasting democratic institutions and a reenergized nation with a bright and peaceful future, and also grateful for your assistance. (Batteries not included.) II. OVERSTAYING YOUR WELCOME ... Posted 5/2/03. Rick
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Rick Horowitz
