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VINTAGE rick
It
was nearly unimaginable back then: Israelis and Palestinians
shaking hands on the White House lawn. It's even harder
to imagine now. Remember September of '93 in this Vintage
Rick!
NEW seasonal fave
Why
do they call it "traveling" if you're standing still?
And can't anyone do something about it? Get moving with
this Seasonal Fave!
White ties at the White
House
After the Ball is Over
By Rick Horowitz
[Upstairs
in a large white house...]
"If I don't get
this thing off right this minute, I'm gonna -- here, help with me this,
Laura, OK?"
"Turn around for a sec. And hold still."
"How'd
they ever -- "
"I said
hold still."
"Haven't you got it yet?"
"Just a -- there it is. Fine. You're free."
"Who's the genius who invented white ties? I mean, jeez, how're you
supposed to relax when you've got a white tie on and you're eatin' pea
soup? That's just nuts!"
"There's more
to life than relaxing, George."
"I know -- I'm just sayin'..."
"You did fine. I told you you'd do fine -- you just had to pay attention
a little. It's not that hard."
"I did look pretty sharp, though, didn't I? And so did you."
"I -- "
"Not 'sharp' -- 'beautiful.' I meant you looked beautiful."
"I know what you meant."
"It was even kinda fun -- for that sorta thing, anyway. She's a hoot,
isn't she?"
"She's the Queen of England, George."
"Yeah, but she's got this whole attitude -- you know, like 'I'm royal,
and everybody else is just, is just -- '"
"She's the Queen of England, George. I'm sure that was in your briefing
book."
"What'd I do now?"
"Nothing. It doesn't matter."
"No, I wanna know -- what'd I do?"
"It's just -- well, there's a time for fooling around, and there's a
time for not fooling around."
"So?"
"So was it really necessary to shout over to Dick's table right in the
middle of the Dover sole?"
"Well, you told me I shouldn't get up! 'It wouldn't be polite to Her
Majesty,' you said."
"I certainly didn't mean you should yell!"
"I was just havin' some fun with them! 'The Duke and Duchess of Halliburton'
-- it was a joke! Like all those fancy titles they all -- "
"I got it, George -- that's not the point."
"He even smiled a little!"
"That was gas."
"Really?"
"Trust me. And asking the Queen when her term was up?!"
"I was interested! You know, when does her kid get to take over? He's
been waitin' forever -- that's all I meant!"
"You can't ask -- oh, what's the use!"
"What'd I do? You told me to make conversation with her,
didn't you? You told me not to go on about Iraq and stuff!
So what was I supposed to -- "
"You were supposed to think!"
"You're mad at me."
"I'm not mad at -- look, let's not talk about it anymore, OK? Let's
just go to bed. I'm really tired -- I'm sure I'll feel better in the
morning."
"We've still got dinner with them at their embassy, right? Regular ties
this time?"
"It's on your schedule."
"I'm sorry, honey."
"It's OK."
"No, I know it's been really stressful for you, with all the arrangements
and all, but you did a great job! I think she really enjoyed herself.
Phil, too."
"And that's another thing! How many times do I have to tell you: You
don't call him 'Phil'!"
Posted 5/8/07. There's
nothing common about Rick's commentary -- tell your friends
Rick Horowitz
