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Sign language Park It Here. (On Second Thought...)By Rick Horowitz WASHINGTON -- There are people who treat "No Parking" signs as rules for somebody else. I'm somebody else. I see a "No Parking" sign, I pay attention. I don't ignore it. I don't dismiss it. I play by the rules. Assuming I can understand the rules. Here I am, back for a visit to Our Nation's Capital, home of the tax code and the non-denial denial. I've lived here; I know the drill, the linguistic loop-the-loops that come with the territory. So I'm ready for a few days of bureaucratic impenetrability, a dash of strategic obfuscation. But not right here, not right now. I'm just trying to park the car. It's a Tuesday evening, a little before 9; I'm meeting some old friends for dinner. I'm driving down tree-lined Connecticut Avenue in the Cleveland Park neighborhood, and there, practically in front of my friends' apartment, is a perfect parking spot. A perfect parking spot is a rarity in Cleveland Park, and I'm feeling pretty good about things, even when I notice the big orange sign just beyond my front bumper. "Steel Plates Ahead," it says. I play by the rules, but there don't seem to be any rules for "Steel Plates Ahead." The spot is mine. Then I see the cardboard sign attached to a nearby tree. EMERGENCY Now, there are two ways to read this sign. There's what the sign probably means: From the start of May until the end of June, there's no parking allowed between 7 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. Which makes perfect sense; whatever the steel-plate people need to do with their steel plates, they'll get two solid months of daytimes to do it. And then there's what the sign actually says: There's no parking allowed from 7 in the morning on May 1st until 4 in the afternoon on June 30th. Which sounds too precise to make any sense at all; would you really prohibit parking for two full months -- except for the first seven hours of the first day and the last eight hours of the last day? Not likely. Not likely, but possible. And if I leave the car there and it happens to cross paths with a literal-minded parking enforcer, I'll have myself a nice fat ticket. Nope. So I jump back into the car and -- miracle of miracles! -- find another spot directly across the street from my friends' apartment. I'm feeling pretty good about things all over again. Then I see the metal sign attached to a nearby pole. NO PARKING Now, there are two ways to read this sign. There's what the sign probably means: You can't park there from 10 PM Wednesday until 5 AM the following morning, Thursday. But then there's what the sign could mean: You can't park there for the seven hours that end at 5 AM on Wednesday. Which means that 10 PM is 10 PM on Tuesday -- just an hour from now. Not likely, but possible. And if I leave the car there and it happens to cross paths with... "Dear Mr. Hertz: I've mislaid your Toyota." It's so nice to be back. Posted 5/9/02. The
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Rick Horowitz
