A White House welcome

Company's Coming! (Take a Number.)

By Rick Horowitz

From: The White House
To: Members of Congress
Subject: Delegation Visits

As you know, President Bush has made cooperation and consultation with Congress a hallmark of his administration. He understands the vital roles played by both the executive and legislative branches under our constitutional system, and he appreciates the importance of good relations between the branches. You have always found him more than willing to engage with members of Congress in discussing issues of concern.

This president is, however, a very busy man.

He has many demands upon his time, and much as he would like to, he simply cannot see everyone who wishes to visit with him. As you may be aware, there has been something of a "spike" recently in visits from congressional delegations. These visits threaten the continued smooth operation of activities throughout the West Wing.

Accordingly, the White House is adopting a new system to permit us to better monitor the traffic flow in and out of the Oval Office. Effective immediately, all congressional delegations requesting meetings with the president must complete and submit the application attached below. Your answers to these ten simple questions will greatly assist us in making the best possible use of the president's valuable time, and yours.

We regret any inconvenience.

What is the projected size of your delegation?
a. 2-11 people
b. 12-20 people
c. more than 20 people

What is the party affiliation of your delegation?
a. Republican
b. Other

How would you describe your delegation's political leanings?
a. Moderate
b. Moderate-to-Conservative
c. Conservative
d. Conservative-to-Loyal Bushie

Has any member of your delegation ever called on any member of this administration to resign?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Hard to keep track

What issue(s) would you like to discuss with the president?
a. War in Iraq / Global war on terror
b. Alberto Gonzales
c. Keeping our jobs
d. Paul Wolfowitz
e. Keeping our jobs
f. Other (Please specify)

Which of the following best describes your delegation's current mood?
a. General concern
b. Deep concern
c. Extremely deep concern
d. Cold sweats in the middle of the night

Which "style" of conversation are you hoping to engage in with the president?
a. Awed and worshipful
b. Friendly and respectful
c. Candid and cordial
d. Panicked and blunt

If your conversation with the president goes as planned, the president will leave the meeting:
a. More happy
b. Less happy
c. About the same

Once the meeting is over, will you be disclosing any details of your conversation to the media?
a. Absolutely not!
b. Definitely not!
c. Certainly not!
d. Probably not. (Please explain)

Do you actually expect to change the president's mind about something?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Don't be ridiculous

Thank you for your cooperation. Please allow at least 72 hours for processing.

Posted 5/15/07. Documents you won't find anywhere else -- just one of the many benefits when you click to "Rick's"!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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