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Gore gets funky! Are We Having Fun Yet?By Rick Horowitz "I told him to go out and have a good time." --Bill Clinton, on campaign advice for his vice president. "...so we send him back to New Hampshire, which ought to give us at least a little bump for -- ah, Mr. Vice President! Good morning! We were just going over your schedule." "New Hampshire again, right? Great place, New Hampshire. It's one of my favorite -- " "Mr. Vice President?" "Tony?" "About the shirt?" "You like it? I ordered it direct from Hawaii. It just came in yesterday." "It's certainly very...colorful." "Not too colorful? I was worried it might be too colorful." "No, I'm sure it's just fine. I thought maybe today was a holiday or something." "Nope. Just a normal, ordinary day, and I'm just being my normal, ordinary, fun-loving self. You know, the me nobody ever sees." "That's fine." "But it's not too colorful?" "I said it's fine." "Oh, good! I was worried that -- " "But the shorts have to go." "Really? But the president said I should ditch the blue suit and -- " "We all saw what the president said. Front page of The New York Times. But I'm not sure those particular shorts go with that particular shirt. Bermuda's a long way from Hawaii, you know." "Of course I know! I'm not Dan Quayle, you guys -- even if everyone's suddenly treating me like I am." "Nobody's treating you like you're Dan Quayle. You're just running into a rough patch right now -- it happens in every campaign. But maybe you can pass on the shorts? They just come across a little undignified, if you know what I mean." "Bill Bradley wore shorts for years -- it didn't hurt him any." "Bill Bradley played basketball. Shorts were part of his -- " "I was joking! Boy, can't you guys take a joke?" "Sorry. We thought you were being serious." "You mean like I always am? Old Serious Al Gore? Hey, do you know the difference between Linda Tripp and a toxic-waste dump?" "Really, shouldn't we be -- " "Neither do I! Hah! That's a good one!" "Honestly, sir, I'm not sure you have to tell jokes to win people over. That's not why they admire you the way they do." "You've got me plunging into crowds up there, right? The president says I need to plunge into crowds more. Press the flesh." "Well, he's the expert on that. Look, we've got two New Hampshire plunges scheduled already, and we can add a few more if we need to." "Absolutely. As many plunges as we can. And make sure I stay overnight at somebody's house, OK? The president says that's the best part of the whole campaign, especially when he sees some good-looking -- " "Mr. Vice President?" "Yes?" "Are you sure you're comfortable with this? I mean, with all due respect, I'd hate to see you try to be someone you're not just to get yourself elected. And I'm not sure you'd be happy with it either." "Hey, if I want to loosen up a little, why not? I can be a fun guy and connect with the voters and still have my standards." "For instance?" "I won't do any of that hippity-hop music -- that's where I draw the line." "I think you mean hip-hop music." "Whatever." Posted
5/17/99. Drop in again -- fresh stuff posted right here
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