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With high hopes, and eyes closed Five Sides to the Building, One Side to the NewsBy Rick Horowitz
"Won't you please come in, Mr. Jones -- it's good of you to stop by!" "Glad to be here -- thanks for making the time." "Not at all! Secretary Rumsfeld is always looking for new talent, and I must say, your resume and cover letter are very impressive." "Thanks -- I'm glad the secretary found it interesting." "Well, actually, Secretary Rumsfeld hasn't seen it yet. Naturally, all our applicants for Deputy Assistant to the Under-Assistant Deputy Secretary for Detention go through a screening process first, and then we send the best of those up the chain for further review." "I understand." "And then the best of the best eventually reach the secretary for his personal attention. He's a very busy man, as I'm -- " "Oh, absolutely!" " -- sure you can imagine. If he had to see everyone himself, he'd never have time to do anything else! So I've been tasked with giving each of the applicants an initial eyeballing, so to speak." "I understand completely." "I knew you would. But I can tell you the secretary wants the position filled as soon as possible -- after everything moves through the proper channels, of course." "So we're talking about a couple of weeks?" "More like a couple of months. Maybe longer. We can't rush the process." "Well, whenever it happens, I'd certainly be glad to help. I know from the papers what a challenge it's been, trying to manage all those Iraqi prisoners, and I'm sure I can help you come up with appropriate policies." "The briefing papers." "Excuse me?" "You know about it from the briefing papers we sent you. What a challenge it's been." "I meant the paper papers. The Wall Street Journal. The Washington Post. The L.A. Times. The New -- " "Newspapers." "They've had prisoner stories practically every day: Who's really in charge over there, and who gave orders to whom, and who signed off on the orders, and what about the Geneva conventions, and -- " "You've been reading newspapers." "Every morning, first thing out of the box. I don't want to miss anything." "Secretary Rumsfeld doesn't read newspapers." "He doesn't?" "He used to, but then he stopped -- he made that very clear during his recent visit to Baghdad." "Yeah, I read about that, but I figured it was just a figure of speech. Or a joke or something." "Not at all. Once the news from Iraq started getting really bad -- especially this whole prisoner thing -- he just stopped reading them." "But doesn't he -- ?" "Get more accomplished? Absolutely! He finds he's been much more efficient without all those distractions. Of course, as I'm sure you know, it's something the president's been doing for years now. Or I guess I should say not doing!" "I guess." "Actually, it was the president who first suggested it, but it's only recently the secretary decided to try it out for himself. Personally, I think he's in a much better mood." "Then part of my job would be to -- what? -- to read the newspapers for him and give him a daily summary?" "Certainly not! Part of your job would be not to read the newspapers. If it's good enough for the Secretary of Defense -- let alone the President of the United States -- it should be good enough for you." "So no news is good news?" "Then you did read the briefing papers -- excellent!" Posted 5/18/04. Don't
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Rick Horowitz
