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Was it something we said? How to Throw a PartyBy Rick Horowitz Not long ago, in a big white house... "OK, you guys, so where do we stand on the tax cut?" "We'll get it, Karl, but we're not going to get all of it." "Jeffords again?" "Chafee, too, but mostly Jeffords. He's got that special-ed thing in his teeth and he just won't let go. He says he won't sign on for the full 1.6 unless we goose the special-ed funding." "Which we're not going to do. I don't know where he ever got the idea we would." "Head-in-the-clouds types -- they're the worst." "I'll tell you, I'm getting pretty tired of jumping through hoops trying to satisfy this guy. He's a Republican, the president's a Republican -- end of story." "Yeah -- who elected him?" "We just can't have these guys freelancing all the time. We've got an agenda to pass." "So what do we do, Karl? Give him what he wants?" "We give him what he deserves." "Meaning...?" "Well, he's pretty much had it his way up to now. He thinks because it's 50-50 up there, he's got all this leverage. He kicks up a fuss, he figures we have to respond to him. He thinks he's got it pretty good." "And...?" "That changes, starting right now. Our friend Jeffords is about to get a little special education all his own. He's about to learn who's in charge around here." "Finally! But how?" "We hit him where he lives, that's how. Like that dairy bill he's so hot for? All those Vermont dairy farmers of his? Let's put the word out that the president's having some second thoughts about it." "He's not gonna like that." "He's not supposed to like it -- that's the point. He's supposed to see what happens when you cross the president. I assume Trent won't be including him in any more budget talks." "Cut a committee chair out of the -- " "He's not a friend and he shouldn't be in the room. Nick, you want to check with Trent on that?" "Consider it done." "And in the meantime, Andy, how about a few discreet leaks to the media back home? 'This guy always going off the reservation is hurting his constituents' -- that kind of thing." "Tighten the screws on him?" "Bingo. The rest of you -- anything else we can do to make the man's life just a little more miserable?" "Well, there's the -- no, it's too petty." "I'll decide what's too petty. What is it?" "Well, there's this Teacher of the Year ceremony in the Rose Garden every year? And Jeffords always gets invited? You know, Mr. Education? Only this year there's a teacher from Vermont. So I was thinking -- " "We bump him from the invite list -- perfect!" "But won't that really get his back up? I mean, the guy's a United States Senator." "From Vermont! You really think some wimp from Vermont is going to stand up to some good old-fashioned Texas muscle? Not a chance." "So we do this teacher thing, and all the other stuff, too? Boy, is he gonna be ticked!" "He should have thought of that before he started misbehaving." "So we do it?" "Of course we do it. What have we got to lose?" Posted 5/24/01. Get
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Rick Horowitz
