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Bad News for the Slumber PartyBy Rick Horowitz Rrrrriiinnnnng! Rrrrriiinn -- "Good morning -- Dot's Cot Spot. This is Jerry." "Hi, Jerry, this is Vickie. From Senator Frist's office? How are you doin' this morning?" "Can't complain. What do you need?" "Well, we're calling to have you pick up those cots you sent over yesterday. We don't really need 'em anymore." "That was quick! Everybody's up bright and early, huh?" "Well, actually..." "'One hundred cots, U.S. Senate' -- yeah, I've got it right here. We can be over in maybe an hour, maybe a little more. It all depends on how busy we get." "That's fine. Oh, and Senator Frist asked me to find out about a refund." "A refund." "For the cots. We never actually used them. The senator had this all-night session scheduled? On judges? But then they came up with a deal." "I'm very happy for you." "No, you don't understand -- we didn't want a deal." "I'm very sorry for you. Whatever." "Anyway, the senator was thinking that since there was this deal, and there wasn't any all-night session after all, and since they adjourned and everybody went home by like 10 o'clock -- " "You don't have to pay for the cots." "We don't? Oh, that's great! He'll be -- " "No, that's what you're saying: You don't have to pay for the cots." "I guess. Anyway, the senator said I should ask. He's very opposed to wasteful spending." "I'm sure he is. And that's my problem...how?" "Well, they're your cots. Anyway, since we didn't wind up using them, he just thought maybe..." "Unbelievable." "Excuse me?" "Look, lady: Say you go to a motel for the night." "What?!" "OK, not a motel. A hotel." "That's better." "Fine. Say you go to a hotel for the night, OK? And something's on your mind, I don't know what, but you spend the whole night pacing back and forth in your room." "So?" "Do you come out in the morning and say, 'Hey, I get my money back 'cause I didn't use the bed'?" "Well..." "Are you kidding me?!" "But the cots were for the filibuster!" "Lady, they can call it anything they want -- somebody still has to come up with the money." "That's not what I -- " "Look, lady: Did your office order up a hundred cots?" "Sure, but they turned out to be like props. You know, for all the cameras? We never -- " "That's a 'yes'?" "I guess so. Yes." "And so we had to get a hundred cots ready, and get 'em loaded on the trucks to get 'em over there? Plus sheets and blankets?" "I'm really sorry you -- " "And pillows! 'Two pillows per cot,' you said -- special order. You think we have that kind of inventory just lying around?" "I'm just -- " "So that's time, and that's labor, and that's materials. We're not running some charity here! You play, you pay -- end of discussion." "Well, I'll let him know, but I'm sure he'll be really disappointed." "Vickie -- it's Vickie, right? You know what?" "What?" "I won't lose any sleep over it." Posted 5/24/05. You'll
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Rick Horowitz
