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Bizarre? No -- "Biz" Air

By Rick Horowitz

In the skies above somewhere, the jumbo jet circles, and then circles some more, as the passengers bite their lips and check their watches. Their seatbelts securely fastened, their seatbacks and tray tables thoroughly upright and long ago locked, they hear the flight attendant announce that they've been cleared for landing. The plane makes one final turn -- more biting of lips, more checking of watches -- then descends through thick gray clouds and bounces onto the runway. The plane rolls to a stop, and the pilot oozes onto the intercom.

"Folks, sorry about that delay up there -- thanks for your patience. And I'm afraid it'll be a little longer yet. They don't have a gate available for us right now, so we're gonna be parked out here for a few minutes more until they -- "

But you can't hear another word over the cheers.

The cheers? Absolutely. They're late, and they're loving it.

Welcome to the future. Welcome to something different from Biztravel.com.

"Your flight arrives on time," Biztravel guarantees, "or we pay you back." More than a half-hour late to the gate, and you get a $100 refund. More than an hour late? You get $200. More than two hours late? A full refund. Your flight is cancelled on departure day? Ditto: a full refund -- even if you manage to get rebooked on another flight.

This is going to be very big.

There are some catches, of course. (You were expecting perfection?) For the moment, at least, the guarantee applies only to flights on Continental, American, US Airways, Air France and British Airways, and only for tickets booked through Biztravel.com's online site. And the guarantee doesn't cover delays caused by mechanical problems. But weather? Air traffic? Restocking the pretzels? All covered.

And there's more: You'll get $25 back ($50 on international flights) if you're at the departure gate when you're supposed to be and they don't honor your seat assignment. Another $25 if you're flying First Class or Business Class and you don't receive the entree or special meal you've requested. Up to $200 for incidentals if they lose your luggage.

This is going to be very big. And a bit peculiar: The worse the airlines do, the better you do.

Of course, taking to the air has always been something of a game. For years, certain determined people with time on their hands have been willing to pass up the most direct route from here to there for the most roundabout route; the more segments they fly, the more frequent-flyer miles they collect. Then there are those cagey travelers who deliberately book themselves onto flights they know will be overbooked. They want to be bumped; if they play their cards right, they can score a free ticket or a hefty chunk of cash.

And now this -- tardiness treats. You'll have people checking out the on-time statistics for this or that flight, but not to find the good ones; they'll be looking for the flights that don't get there on time! And they'll be pumping their fists in triumph at every wasted moment.

Can't you see it? The plane touches down, say, 27 minutes behind schedule. If the pilot makes it to the gate in the next three minutes, the passengers get nothing but inconvenience. But if the pilot takes one minute longer, the passengers hit the jackpot.

Just think of the drama: In the cabin, thousands of dollars are at stake. In the cockpit, they're oblivious.

Or are they?

You don't think a few enterprising types back in Row 14 might consider taking up a collection? A collection, and a quick trip to the front of the plane?

"There's an extra hundred in it for you if you take this baby around the block one more time."

It's a new world out there; it's time for a new approach.

Better late than ever.

Posted 5/25/00. Come fly with Rick -- there's fresh stuff twice a week!


Send Rick a note!Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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