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Expecting the worst Better Pack a RaincoatBy Rick Horowitz Click. " -- a perfect likeness of both reporters, made entirely of dried pigeon droppings." "That's real dedication, Ari!" "It certainly is, Condi! Back to you." "Thanks, Ari. And thanks to all of you for tuning in to BNN, the Bush News Network. It's 20 past the hour, time for a check of the weather. Standing by in Bush Weather Central is chief meteorologist Dick Cheney. Kind of unsettled out there, isn't it, Dick?" "It certainly is, Condi. We're tracking a couple of major storm systems at the moment, up here in the Northeast, and down here in the mid-Atlantic. We've got the possibility of high winds, with heavy downpours and significant property damage all along the coast and extending to the interior." "Sounds awful! And when should our East Coast viewers expect the rain to start?" "It could happen tomorrow, Condi. It could happen next week. It could happen next year." "Next year?" "It could happen next year, yes." "But -- " "But it's almost certain there'll be a major storm somewhere in that period. Or maybe a little after that. We're also looking at some particularly heavy weather in the Great Plains and the Upper Midwest." "Glad you mentioned that, Dick -- and standing by with that story from the shores of Lake Michigan, let's bring in Don Rumsfeld, who's in Chicago for us this morning. Good morning, Don! What's the latest?" "Good morning, Condi! Everything Dick's been saying about the East Coast, it goes in spades here in the nation's heartland. We've got the prospect of torrential rains and possible gale-force winds, extending in an arc from the Texas panhandle clear up to Illinois and Indiana. Maybe even a few tornados sprinkled in." "How terrifying!" "Terrifying is exactly the word for it, Condi. There's gonna be damage galore when this thing hits." "And just when will that be?" "One day." "One day soon?" "I'm not prepared to be any more specific at this time, Condi. But one day, there'll be a huge storm -- I'd say it's pretty much inevitable." "And do you think the kinds of generalized storm warnings you and Dick are putting out will alarm people?" "I certainly hope so! They're designed to alarm people! See, every time we don't predict some big change in the weather, we get pounded on for not saying anything. So Dick and I and the whole weather team -- Tom Ridge, Bobby Mueller, everybody -- we figure we're much better off this way. We've got our predictions out there on the record, so then if anything happens, we can say we were right on top of it, right? And nobody can complain that -- " "Condi, can I get in here again?" "Go ahead, Dick." "Thanks, Condi. I just want to say I agree 100 percent with what Don is telling you. All the data we're getting, all the satellite pictures, all the forecasting models we use, they all point very clearly to one inescapable conclusion: Something is going to happen somewhere." "Sometime." "Exactly." Click. Posted 5/28/02. In
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Rick Horowitz
