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Still searching Any Day NowBy Rick Horowitz
Deep within a large, five-sided building...
"Excuse me, general -- I've got Jenkins here to see you." "Then send him in. He doesn't do us any good standing out in the hall, does he?" "No good at all, sir." "So please tell me why you're still here and he's still -- ah, Jenkins! Have a seat. The captain was just leaving." "But I thought you'd -- " "Dismissed, captain." "Yes, sir." "Cup of coffee, Jenkins? Glass of water?" "That would be -- " "Botulinum toxin?" "Excuse me?!" "Have they found any botulinum toxin?" "I'm afraid not, sir -- not yet, anyway. But our people in Baghdad tell me they're very confident something will turn up. The botulinum, or the anthrax, or something. Very confident." "And those tractor-trailers you've been going over? Anything on those yet?" "Well, sir, our people are absolutely convinced that they're tractor-trailers -- " "I already knew that!" "I'm sorry, sir. I was going to say that our people are absolutely convinced that they're tractor-trailers designed as mobile labs to produce biological weapons." "And what quantities of these biological weapons have 'our people' actually found on these vehicles?" "Quantities, sir?" "Quantities! Pounds, liters, tons, granules -- I don't care which. Just tell me they've found something!" "Well, actually, sir...not yet. But they're very confident." "How nice for them. Meanwhile, we're taking all kinds of flak. Our main reason for going in was weapons of mass destruction, right? We said they might already have the weapons deployed, right? We said they were ready to use the weapons at any time, right?" "I remember, sir." "SO WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS?" "I don't -- " "You think Rumsfeld likes having to go out there and say, oh, well maybe the fighting went so quickly that they didn't have time to use them? You think he likes saying things like that?" "Actually, sir, knowing the secretary, I imagine it doesn't bother him one bit." "Well, it bothers me! I mean, they didn't have enough time to use any of it, but they had enough time to get rid of all of it?" "That doesn't hold up really well, does it?" "Or maybe they decided to destroy their entire stockpile before the war even started? That make any sense to you?" "I'm sure he was doing his best, sir -- and he never said those were the only explanations. Anyway, now you've got Wolfowitz and the others out there saying it could take a long time to find anything, or maybe never. So at least we're lowering everyone's expectations." "Oh, they're pretty low, all right." "See? I knew we could -- " "Almost as low as our credibility." "Oh." Posted 5/29/03. Check
out Rick's weapons of mass distraction right here, twice every week!
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Rick Horowitz
