Humpback hysteria?

A Whale of an Opportunity

By Rick Horowitz

It didn't take long.

They weren't back in open ocean for ten minutes before the phone started ringing. Friends welcoming them home, of course -- now that they were inside BlubberNet's coverage area again, everybody they knew was checking in.

"We were so worried!"

"We thought we'd lost you!"

"You must have been petrified!"

"Fresh water? Yuck!!"

And this, over and over again:

"You wouldn't believe all the publicity!"

Which was absolutely true, at least at first; they wouldn't have believed all the publicity. Except that these calls weren't just from friends. Total strangers were calling them, too -- some close to tears, some giddy with excitement.

What was the big deal? They'd made a wrong turn. It happens. They'd gotten distracted and they'd gotten lost, and then they figured it out and doubled back until they saw the big bridge, and then they went under the big bridge and they were home. The End.

OK, so it took a while. (You try traveling with a calf.)

And yes, they'd certainly noticed all the people along the shore, and all the cameras and the binoculars, and the helicopters overhead, not to mention the fireboats squirting and people banging on pipes and --

And the whale songs. Day after day of nothing but whale songs. It could drive a humpback crazy.

"You touched something."

This was someone named Sid. Sid was on the phone telling them how they'd "touched something" -- in him, and in millions of people everywhere. This could be bigger than penguins, Sid was saying. Sid was an agent. Sid wanted to represent them.

So did Jenna.

So did Rafe.

"I see Letterman," Sid was saying. "You and Dave in a big tank. With Tony Bennett right outside. You know: 'I left my hearrrrrrrt...'"

Suddenly whale songs didn't seem so bad.

"I sense some hesitancy,' Sid was saying. "That's perfectly normal -- this is all pretty new to you, am I right?"

Sid wasn't the sort who waited for answers.

"I'm not talking 'Stupid Pet Tricks' here, you understand -- nothing embarrassing. Everything in good fun. Or you want to go serious? We can go serious. I make a call, you're on '60 Minutes.' You and the kid side by side -- courage in a crisis, the role of faith, a mother's love, the whole nine yards. Just say the word."

Jenna saw leisure wear. In fact, she'd already sketched out the ad campaign. "'Break Away from the Pod,'" she was saying. "That's for our target demographic, which I figure is young moms and..."

Rafe saw multi-media. A quickie book with a big rollout -- all the morning shows, maybe a profile in Vanity Fair, the made-for-TV movie. ("I'm thinking 'Princess of Whales.'") Video games for the kids. A daily podcast, of course. Plus endorsements -- a very select group of high-end endorsements.

"GPS," Rafe was saying. "You could be huge in GPS."

They'd have to get back to him. There was another call coming in.

Posted 5/31/07. Rick gets the stories no one else gets! Have you told your friends yet?

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker.

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