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Asterisk, agitated Star Turn? Not This Time.By Rick Horowitz
asterisk
n.
1.
a small starlike
symbol used in writing and printing as a reference mark or to indicate
omission, doubtful matter, etc.... The asterisk has had it up to here. It's hard enough,
sitting under-utilized and under-appreciated on a gazillion* computer
keyboards. Shift-8, Shift-8 -- the asterisk hears the old two-stroke
combo in its sleep. And why, the asterisk wonders - why in the name
of all that's typographically correct should it take two strokes to
produce a single asterisk and only one to produce a comma or an equal
sign - or a semicolon? A semicolon?! Talk about a useless
piece of punctuation! Talk about -- Where were we? Right -- feeling disrespected and lashing out. And that's even before we get to Barry Bonds. Barry Bonds.
Where does the asterisk even begin when it comes to talking about Barry Bonds? It's been going on for months -- at first the occasional whisper, then a constant murmur buzzing away in the background. Lately, though, it's turned into a shout: Barry Bonds should get an asterisk! Barry Bonds, who hit more home runs in a single season than any man ever has. Barry Bonds, who is closing in on Henry Aaron, having just passed the immortal Babe Ruth, for the most home runs hit in an entire career. Barry Bonds, who has muscles where ordinary people don't have muscles. Who sprouted those muscles at an age when ordinary people -- even ordinary major-league baseball-star people -- are usually losing muscles. "Give him an asterisk!" the fans scream. "If he goes into the record books, he should go in with an asterisk!" Needless to say, Barry Bonds disagrees. "It would hurt," he told a reporter just the other day. "I would be disappointed." Needless to say, no reporter even bothered to ask the asterisk. It's a job. That's what the asterisk might have said about it a year or two ago. It's like any job -- it's got its upsides and its downsides. On the upside, the asterisk gets to stand up for accuracy. If there's something somewhere that's a little bit off, someone will deploy the asterisk to flash the warning light: "Take with a grain of salt. Not as impressive as it looks." The asterisk is a six-pointed Bureau of Standards. There's a certain nobility about it. On the downside, though... On the downside,
the asterisk is the skunk at the garden party, the dirt* in the punchbowl.
It's the asterisk who gets to spill the beans about Santa Claus, who
gets to barge in when everyone's having a wonderful time and say, "Not
so fast!" Who -- Where were we? Right -- upsides and downsides. That's what the asterisk might have said about it a year or two ago. But that was before this whole Barry Bonds business. Here's how the asterisk sees it: Baseball spends years bulking up and breaking records and making money hand over fist, while all the people who matter -- who know in their guts exactly what their eyes are telling them -- don't say a word? And then, after the evidence finally starts to come out and they're face-to-face with a major public-relations disaster, they think maybe they can just call in some honest, hard-working asterisk and make everything OK? Call it -- well, call it a "doubtful matter." Barry Bonds worries that having an asterisk next to his name would damage his reputation. How do you think the asterisk feels? You think the asterisk won't have its reputation damaged going through life next to Barry Bonds? Posted 6/3/06. Strong
commentary, no steroids - just click to "Rick's"!
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Rick Horowitz
