 |
Say it ain't so! A Little Something Extra?By Rick Horowitz
"...all of you for coming. I'd like to make a brief statement, and then I'll try to answer your questions. The first thing I'd -- " "Down in front! Thom, can you sit him down? We can hardly see you!" "I'll try. Look, if you'd all please remain in your seats, this will go a lot more smoothly for everyone. I'm much obliged. Now, let me start again: The first thing I'd like to do is apologize. I'm embarrassed about what happened, not just for myself and the whole Jefferson family, but for all the people out there who have rooted for me over the years. I know I let a lot of people down, and -- " "Thom, what do you say to the kids?" "Please -- just let me get through this first, OK? I know I let a lot of people down, and for that I take personal responsibility. But you have to believe me: I didn't know the quill was corked." "Thom, you've said you picked up that particular quill by 'mistake'? How can you -- " "I've got 60 or 70 quills. You go through a lot of quills in this business. And in one of those quills -- and I only use it for writing practice, never for an actual document -- the middle is hollowed out, and there's some cork in there. It lets me hit a few more metaphors out of the park -- but like I said, only during practice. It's just something I do to impress the fans -- you know I've always had a pretty decent respect for the opinions of mankind." "That all sounds good, Thom, but the quill didn't shatter during writing practice -- it happened right in the middle of some after-dinner speech you were polishing." "Well, that's why I said it was a mistake. I've got all these quills made exactly to my specifications, and then I had this one writing-practice quill -- " "Stuffed with cork." " -- with a slightly lighter barrel, a little more speed through the writing zone, and I just picked up the wrong one, that's all. When it broke, I said to myself, 'No big deal,' you know? And then I saw everybody looking at the pieces and I'm thinking, 'Why all the fuss?' Because I just didn't realize what had happened." "Thom, doesn't this scandal really -- " "I wouldn't call it a scandal." "Whatever. But doesn't it throw into question all your accomplishments over the past few years? I'm thinking, for instance, of your Declaration of Independence, which has really caught on with people. Up to now, everyone's been saying, 'That big redhead can certainly turn a phrase!' But now they have to wonder if maybe you had a little...help." "Well, all I can -- " "How about an asterisk?" "One question at a time, OK? Look, all I can say is that's not what happened. This was a one-time thing, never happened before, and it'll never happen again. Everything I've ever written for public consumption, I've played by the rules. So no, I certainly don't need any asterisks." "'All men are created equal' -- sure. But then some of them go cork their quills?" "I don't see what -- " "Isn't this the kind of hypocrisy that gives everyone in the business a bad name?" "Better watch who you're calling a hypocrite, sir! Next to my life and my fortune, my sacred honor is pretty darned important to me. OK, one more question and I'm out of here. Sure." "Well, since you mentioned your fortune..." "Right." "How is this whole thing going to affect your endorsements?" "My what?" Posted 6/5/03. For
Founding Fathers fun and more, "Rick's" is the place -- spread the word!
|
  |
Rick Horowitz
