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Down and dirty Fazed? It's Only a Phase. (They Hope.)By Rick Horowitz Just so you know: The proper response upon hearing that your younger one is now living in a house with dirt floors is: "Uh-huh." For bonus points, you can try to squeak out a semi-convincing "Great!" She can't see your face over the phone, so maybe she'll believe you, and she'll appreciate your enthusiasm. She's perfectly enthusiastic herself, of course, and the last thing you want to be is negative. If you rain on this parade, she'll have mud. The house with dirt floors sits in a small town in New Mexico, not far from the larger town in New Mexico where your younger one goes to school. She's the hippie-'60s-throwback part of the family, and New Mexico is the perfect fit. But for this summer, at least, she's looking for something even more laid-back, even more basic, than the kinds of places she's been living. Those places all had floors -- real floors, the kind that go over the dirt. Those places didn't need wood-burning stoves and propane tanks. Those places didn't have composting toilets. (Say "Uh-huh.") She'll tell you all these things, lay out the various features of this dream house that she and a friend are sharing, with the same cheery tone she might use to tell you about a really cool band she's just heard, or a terrific hike she went on last weekend. You'll listen, and you'll try to imagine yourself in her shoes. You'll realize you've grown fond of toilets that flush. "It was the most disgusting thing I ever did!" she'll tell you, but she's laughing as she says it. The toilet wasn't connected correctly, she'll explain, so cleaning it out took much longer than it had to. Next time, it'll be much simpler. Words will fail you. But not entirely. "Do you have electricity?" You'll want to eliminate any trace of concern from your voice before you ask the question. You're simply curious; that's the sound you're aiming for. It's no different from asking what color her walls are painted. Assuming they're painted. Assuming there are walls. And the answer will be yes -- she does have electricity! In fact, she'll point out, she's got some music playing right there in the background. It's a Lou Reed album. Not a CD, mind you, but an LP -- actual vinyl, on an actual turntable. Will you wonder why her electric current isn't...current? Very likely, but it's a question you'll probably want to keep to yourself. She likes her Lou Reed album. And that's not the only album they've got, she'll tell you. They've got another album that teaches parrots to speak foreign languages, and another one that seems to consist entirely of a man saying the words "Petite Poo-Poo" over and over again. To music. You'll think she's testing you. You'll think she's inventing things, trying to see just how bizarre a picture she can paint before you lose it entirely and start sounding like a typical card-carrying grownup. You'll need to stay strong, but flexible. You'll need to go with the flow, keep it conversational. "Do you have a parrot?" She doesn't have a parrot. An album that talks to parrots in foreign languages, yes. A parrot, no. "And 'Petite Poo-Poo'? How did you get an album with a man who keeps saying 'Petite Poo-Poo'?" She's not sure where they got it, she'll say, but it's great to listen to while they're cleaning out the toilet. Say "Uh-huh." You're playing it absolutely right. You're being supportive, not judgmental. You're doing better than you could ever have imagined. Has she told you about the snake yet? Posted 6/7/01. Just
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Rick Horowitz
