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Nothing personal -- they just need the votes Just a Little Pick-Me-UpBy Rick Horowitz Me and the guys, we're hangin' where we always hang, over on the avenue -- Georgie and Karl, Dick, Handsome Tony, the regular bunch. Except Georgie's in a rotten mood. Which means we all better be in a rotten mood. He's lookin' at numbers, Georgie, only he doesn't like what he sees. He goes, "Who's the Number One gang in the land?" We go, "Righteous Repubs!" He goes, "Who puts it to 'em anytime we want to put it to 'em?" We go, "Righteous Repubs!!"
He goes, "So why are we down here'' -- and he does this way-down thing with his hand -- "when we oughta be up here?" He gets like this sometimes. (A lot of times, if you want to know the truth.) Especially lately. It's like he's stuck in this hole, he can shake his leg this way and the other way and try to climb out, and sometimes he goes up a little but then he goes right back down. What a pain! So then Karl goes, "It's your base." Karl, he knows more than anyone when Georgie sounds rotten, just what's wrong with him. Georgie calls him Doc sometimes, 'cause he's always keepin' track of Georgie's ups and downs and what do we do to get him back to normal. Anyway, when Karl goes, "It's your base," Georgie goes, "Impossible." And that's when Karl shows Georgie some more numbers, and sure enough, that's where the trouble is -- his base. Some of the Righteous Repubs are gone, Karl tells Georgie. Some of the most righteous of the Righteous Repubs. They're just tired of it. Georgie goes, "Tired of what?" And Karl goes, "Tired of feelin' used." Not that Georgie's been usin' 'em. (Well, only a little, and only in election years, which is different. Everybody uses everybody in election years.) And Karl goes, "They don't think you really care about 'em. They need something to make 'em feel appreciated." "Appreciated?" "You know, get 'em excited again." So we all start thinkin', 'cause we all know a gang without followers isn't much of a gang, which is why we gotta get 'em back, the sooner the better. Then all of a sudden Karl looks up like the light bulb went on, and he goes, "Let's beat up on some gay guys!" Karl, he's always got ideas. Georgie, he mostly listens, then he does what Karl tells him. (Or Dick. Georgie's the kind that doesn't mind suggestions -- from certain people, anyway.) He's got a problem with a suggestion, he'll let you know. Maybe this is one of those times. Maybe not. Georgie goes, "Beat up on some gay guys?" And Karl goes, "And lesbians. Don't forget lesbians." Jeez, it's been a couple years easy since us Righteous Repubs beat up on gay guys and lesbians! But Karl's sayin' it like it's the smartest thing he ever came up with. "Tried and true," he goes. "Tried and true." Me, I can take it or leave it -- I figure we got better ways to spend our time -- but Karl, he gets an idea in his head, there's no way past it except do what he says. Meanwhile, Karl can see Georgie isn't so sure, he goes, "Won't be anything big. We go out a few times, kick a little gay lesbian butt, call it off before it gets too serious. Just something to get our troops charged up -- they love this kind of thing." Georgie, he's still not sure, so Karl, he digs into his pocket, he takes out a calendar, he waves it in front of Georgie. He goes, "Here's where we are," and he points one place. "And right over here's November," and he points somewhere else, but real close. And that's all the convincin' Georgie needs. Posted 6/11/06. Tell
your gang about "Rick's" - they'll know you're a leader!
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Rick Horowitz
