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Tortured explanations "Interro-gate": Whose Idea Was It Anyway?By Rick Horowitz
Ripped from the headlines (The year
is 2002, and the sun is rising over a U.S. naval base in the Caribbean...)
"Rrrriiiiinngg. Rrrriii -- " "Commandant's office, Guantanamo -- good morning." "Good morning, Gitmo -- this is the Pentagon. Hold for Mr. Haynes, please." "Mr. Haynes?" "General counsel Haynes. He's just finishing up with the secretary, and -- " "Good morning, commandant -- Jim Haynes here. How are you doing?" "Just fine, sir. We're doing just fine." "Good! Glad to hear it!" "Busy, of course, but we're making progress. Not that these folks are eager to talk, but we think we're getting there." "Excellent! Rummy
will be glad to hear that." "Send the secretary my best." "I certainly will! I certainly will!" "Well, if that's -- " "In fact, that reminds me, commandant -- the secretary wanted me to make sure that you and your people have everything you need down there." "That's a 'yes.' Unless you've got a couple of boxes of truth serum hidden away somewhere." "Let me look into that, and I'll -- " "I was joking, Mr. Haynes. That was a joke." "Got it." "Good." "But that reminds me anyway, commandant -- the secretary particularly wanted me to make sure there isn't anything we can give you to help you with your questioning." "Thanks, but I think we're pretty well equipped as it is. It's slow, but it's -- " "Or authorize. Anything we can authorize for you? Procedure-wise, I mean." "Can't think of anything off the top of my head." "Well, think a while longer. We certainly don't want you overlooking anything that could help you." "Not that I can -- " "We both know how vital that information is, commandant. And the sooner we convince those detainees to give it up, the safer we'll all be." "True enough." "Even if that sometimes requires...aggressive questioning." "Well, we're being pretty aggressive, sir. Without stepping across any lines, of course." "Lines?" "What's permitted. What's prohibited." "That must be pretty tough for you and your people to figure out, especially when you're right in the middle of an interrogation." "Well, it can be a little stressful from time to -- " "'Stress,' you said?" "From time to time, sure. But nothing we can't handle." "I see. So there are still certain techniques you won't use..." "Exactly." "Even if it might mean getting more information." "My men don't do anything they're not authorized to do." "For instance?" "For instance?" "Examples. I mean, what kinds of things are you talking about? Hypothetically, of course." "Well, sensory deprivation is out." "'Sensory deprivation.'" "Out." "I see. And what's that other technique people are always talking about? You know, with the cloth over their mouth, and -- " "You mean waterboarding?" "Waterboarding! Of course! Now, why didn't I think of that?" "Waterboarding's definitely out. Like I said, none of that stuff is authorized, so we wouldn't do it." "I understand, commandant. Well, this has been a very helpful conversation, and I'll be sure to pass along your requests to the secretary." "But I didn't make any requests. All I did was -- " "Thanks for your
time, commandant." Posted 6/18/08. For
award-winning commentary, just click to "Rick's"!
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Rick Horowitz
