Half full?

Just Call Him an Optimist

By Rick Horowitz

I'd like to believe that the next time the folks at the National Security Agency intercept conversations from al-Qaeda operatives boasting that "The match begins tomorrow" and "Tomorrow is zero hour," they'll get around to translating those conversations sooner than the day after tomorrow.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that if the folks at the National Security Agency translate conversations like "The match begins tomorrow" and "Tomorrow is zero hour" quickly enough, they'll have even the vaguest idea of exactly what it is they're supposed to try to prevent.

I'd like to believe that Dick Cheney is much more attentive to details as vice president than he now claims he was when he was running Halliburton.

And I'd like to believe that Arthur Andersen was the only bad apple in the barrel, and that the rest of the country's accounting and brokerage firms are staffed top to bottom with honest, upright people who really care about the little guy.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that soccer will be the next great American sport.

I'd like to believe that Israel can end Palestinian terrorism by reoccupying parts of the West Bank.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that Israel can end Palestinian terrorism by giving up all its claims to the West Bank.

For that matter, I'd like to believe that somebody has the slightest clue about how Israel can end Palestinian terrorism.

I'd like to believe that when Tom DeLay and other conservative Republicans come out so strongly in favor of Israel, it's because they actually support Israel, and not because they see this as their best chance in more than half a century to peel Jewish voters away from the Democrats.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that the relatives of September 11 victims would never start fighting over money.

I'd like to believe that the Catholic Church finally gets it.

I'd like to believe that the reason so many baseball players are putting up such amazing numbers these days is that they work harder than the old-timers used to.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that the reason so many baseball players suddenly have muscles popping out of their earlobes is that they eat lots of nutritious foods.

I'd like to believe that the tobacco companies are serious about trying to discourage kids from smoking, and that it's only by accident cigarette ads keep showing up in publications that plenty of kids read.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that nobody would deliberately start a forest fire.

I'd like to believe that the president understands that reorganizing the entire federal government to more effectively fight a war against terrorism will cost money.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that the president is joking when, in the middle of a costly war against terrorism, he comes out in favor of even more tax cuts for the wealthy.

I'd like to believe that Karl Rove isn't half as influential as everyone thinks he is.

I'd like to believe that Karl Rove isn't half as influential as he thinks he is.

I'd like to believe that maybe my first reaction is all wrong, and that in a time of crisis it's a good thing we have a man like John Ashcroft as our attorney general, instead of someone who'd spend even a minute or two worrying about things like civil liberties.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that the FBI and the CIA will put aside their differences and work smoothly together for the good of the nation.

I'd like to believe that someday Microsoft will change its ways.

Of course, I'd also like to believe that someday you won't have to click "Start" to stop.

Posted 6/20/02. You can believe in Rick -- get your award-winning commentary right here!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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