|
Remodeling Going Crazy, with Items Commonly Found Around the HomeBy Rick Horowitz
"We need to replace the dishwasher," she said one afternoon. "Whatever you say," he replied. One thing led to another. Their dishwasher was a broken-down portable, and decades old; replacing it only made sense. Replacing it with a built-in model made a certain amount of sense, too. No longer would they have to roll the thing from one side of the kitchen to the other every time they wanted to load or unload it. No longer would they have to struggle to get the dishwasher hose to connect securely to the kitchen faucet, or worry that the moment their backs were turned, it would come loose yet again and start spraying water everywhere.
Putting in a built-in dishwasher might require a few additional tweaks here and there, he understood, but how bad could it be? It was just a dishwasher. When workmen started tearing up the kitchen floor, he began to understand the forces he'd unleashed. When they took the wallpaper down, and put the new cabinets up, and the new countertops on, and all the boxes started arriving, he grasped the dimensions of the thing. No mere dishwasher replacement, not at all -- suddenly, irrevocably, they were in the midst of a full-fledged, certified "kitchen remodeling project." !!! It's going pretty well so far, he figures. Of course, putting in a new dishwasher meant they had to put in a new sink, which somehow led to a new stove, and to a new microwave right above the new stove, and to a new refrigerator. So far, the only things that haven't worked quite right are the dishwasher, the sink, the stove, and the refrigerator. The old dishwasher used to take forever to run through its cycle; the new dishwasher hardly takes any time at all -- a minute or two of gentle rumbling and it's done for the day. The dishes are damp, if not any cleaner than they were when they were loaded, plus there's a nice little pool of liquid sitting there, going absolutely nowhere. Something about a faulty switch, the workmen decided -- "On" wasn't staying "On." They had to replace the switch. The new sink is stainless steel -- except, apparently, for the stainless part. Except also for the rustless part and the scratchless part. After three weeks, the thing looks more banged up than the one they'd had for fifteen years. She checks the instruction manual. Don't leave metal items in the sink, the manual advises. (Forks? Spoons?) And be sure to towel-dry the sink whenever it gets wet. He doesn't towel-dry himself whenever he gets wet. He's not about to play towel-boy to an appliance. So the new sink doesn't like water. That's nothing -- the new stove isn't wild about...food. It's a beautiful new stove, a smooth-top stove. None of those old-fashioned burners, none of those little nooks and crannies where spills and spatters can hide for days. Just wipe the smooth-top clean, and it's good to go. In fact, there's even a special cream they're supposed to use to wipe the smooth-top clean. Just let the spills and spatters dry, the instructions say, and then wipe them clean with the special cream. Unless, of course, the spills and spatters are "sugar-based," in which case leaving them there to dry could cause the smooth-top surface to stop being smooth -- to warp, to pit. So if the spills and spatters are "sugar-based," the instructions say, waiting is not an option. They need to take immediate action. Or maybe it's the other way around; he has a hard time remembering. He's found it simpler just not to go near the thing. The new refrigerator? No problem -- at least until the workmen had to pull it away from the wall temporarily to strip the rest of the wallpaper. That's when the ice-water hose was pulled loose. They hadn't actually intended to turn their home into a water park; luckily, it wasn't more than a few hours later that he happened to visit the basement and heard the pleasant, if unexpected, sounds of water bouncing off the walls. He knew just how the water felt. The microwave, on the other hand, works like a charm. He's never had such excellent popcorn. But it's still early. Posted 6/20/06. From
any room in your house, "Rick's" is the place to go to get away from
it all!
|
  |
Rick Horowitz
