 |
Zappers get zapped. Another Sound of the Season: "Don't Bug Me!"By Rick Horowitz It's that time again! I'm talking about summertime, the best of times. You've been waiting and waiting, worrying the calendar around another cycle, and now summer's back in all its steamy, sweaty (or is it baked and blistery?) splendor. Is there anything to compare with the sights and sounds of summer? Not a chance. The burbling of the brook as it bounces over pebbles polished smooth as glass. The rustling of the leaves as the faintest trace of midday breeze floats by. The chirping of the birds flitting from rooftop to rooftop. The gentle shower of exploded bug parts raining down on your hot-fudge sundae. Say what? This just in, boys and girls, from the Department of You Probably Don't Want to Read This While You're Eating: Bug zappers aren't good for you. You already knew they weren't good for the bugs. This is something else again. According to researchers at Kansas State University, at least, bug zappers don't exactly get rid of the bugs you love to hate every summer, as much as they...redistribute them. Redistribute tiny little pieces of them, if you get my drift. You get my drift. And you're stunned. (Not as stunned as the bugs are, but anyway...) Bug zappers have meant summertime for as long as you can remember. That ghostly blue light down at the Dairy Queen, or right there in your own backyard. That gratifying "tssssst-tssssst" as Mr. Mosquito and Mr. Moth meet their maker. Call it buggy static -- it's been as much a part of your summer soundtrack as ice cubes tinkling in a glass, as a ballgame crackling in from somewhere far away on the portable radio. Except, of course, that the ballgame isn't hazardous to your health; you can't inhale filthy bits of shortstop. Bugs, on the other hand... "The operation of these bug zappers" -- this is a Kansas State professor talking -- "results in the generation of high numbers of airborne insect particles. We can breathe those particles, and it's well-documented that insect particles can be very allergenic." Which is why you should never invite a Kansas State professor to your family picnic. Personally, I hadn't realized that the allergenic qualities of insect particles were "well-documented" -- or documented at all, for that matter. I've been way too busy hearing about how dangerous summer suntans can be, not to mention summer thunderstorms, not to mention summer-movie popcorn, to even begin keeping up with the latest literature on the looming airborne-insect-particle crisis. Luckily for me, though -- and luckily for you, too, or I wouldn't even be mentioning it -- there are dedicated academic types willing to spend countless hours and countless research dollars frying bugs and taking notes. (Luckily for the academics, this also passes for fun in Kansas.) "The bug zapper" -- this is another Kansas State professor talking -- "is probably not the method of choice of killing insects because it might actually aggravate the situation in terms of microbial spread." You can see right away why it wouldn't be the "method of choice," "microbial spread" being Science Talk for "When you blow a bug to Kingdom Come, his itsy-bitsy bacteria- and virus-stuffed remains fan out like an ugly little cloud and fall to earth any-darned-where they want to." And you thought those were chopped walnuts on your whipped cream? Yuck! Coming soon from a university near you: "Beach Music: Satan on Surfboards." Posted
6/25/99. Rick never bugs you. Come back for more -- and tell
your friends about it!
 |
  |
