 |
Makeover time Necessity is the Mother of ReinventionBy Rick Horowitz
"Step right up! Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and feast your eyes on one of the wonders of our time! That's right, folks: Right here on our stage, the sensation of seven continents, favorite of emperors and sultans, illusionist extraordinaire! He'll make your eyeballs leave their sockets and your brain dance the cha-cha-cha! So without further ado, you seekers of sorcery, you aficionados of fascination: Introducing the one, the only, the incredible...Transformo!" "Is good to be here. Thank you. Very good." "Tell me, Transformo, are you ready to amaze these nice folks this afternoon with some of your -- " "Me first! Me first!" "Hold your horses, young man! I've barely gotten -- " "I said, 'Me first!'" "I can take a hint, ladies and gentlemen! We've got our first volunteer, this nice, determined young man down front here in the earth tones. C'mon up, son -- what's your name?" "You can call me Al." "'Al' it is. And where are you from, Al?" "Tennessee. Bone and blood, Tennessee. Just love the place, nothing like it anywh -- " "I think we get the picture, don't we, folks? Al here loves Tennessee -- and I'm sure Tennessee loves him right back." "Watch it, buster!" "I simply meant that -- " "I know what you meant. That's all in the past, and I'm looking forward, OK? Let's get moving." "I said he was determined, didn't I, folks? So tell us, Al: What mystical marvel of metamorphosis can Transformo conjure up for you today?" "I want to let it rip." "Excuse me?" "I want to be the kind of guy who lets it rip. To hell with the polls! To hell with tactics!" "That's very -- " "And I want to speak from the heart. No more consultants. No more advisers. I want to speak right from the heart at least a couple of times every week." "Well, that's certainly a laudable -- " "Let's say three times every week. Tuesday prime-time, maybe Thursdays at lunch, and of course Sunday mornings." "Church?" "Talk shows." "Right from the heart." "Exactly." "Well, what do you think, Transformo? Can we turn this fella into -- what's wrong?" "Transformo laughs." "Hey, you guys said you'd -- " "Transformo is magician, not miracle worker! Also Transformo has already conjured for this one -- many times. Last time, wanted beard, gave beard. Never satisfied." "But I -- " "You heard him, pal. Some things are beyond even Transformo's powers. Now, if we can have another volun -- " "Me next! Me! Call on me!!" "This gent over here had his hand up first. C'mon up and tell us all about yourself." "I'm George, and I'm from Texas, and I want to get tough on corporations." "Transformo is having bad day." Posted 7/4/02. Declare
your independence from dull columnists -- get entertaining commentary
right here at "Rick's"!
|
  |
Rick Horowitz
