Sting of the hill?

A Gentle Breeze -- and Bloody Knees

By Rick Horowitz

Is there any word in all the world more magical than "summer"? Summer means relaxation, yes. But it means adventure, too! And finding adventure can be as easy as falling off a log. Or, for that matter, falling down a hill.

Take it from one who knows: Falling down a hill can be every bit as thrilling as scaling a mountain, only smaller, and you're going in the opposite direction. And you don't need nearly as much equipment -- a pair of walking shoes, a positive attitude, and a brain the size of a cashew.

How to Fall Down a Hill

Preparation: Careful preparation is essential for falling down a hill. For instance, you need a hill. And while any hill will suffice, you'll derive far greater pleasure from a hill of sufficient height and angle of incline -- a steep bluff overlooking a Great Lake, to take one recent example.

Be sure to allow sufficient time to enjoy the entire experience. Perhaps you can choose a day when a camping trip has had to be cancelled because it's been raining cats and dogs all morning. In such a circumstance, your calendar is suddenly, gloriously empty, and should the weather clear in the afternoon, you're ready for an excursion free of deadlines. By the way, be sure to bring along enough water to keep you properly hydrated. The water will also be useful for cleaning out your wounds.

Warmup: It's seldom a good idea to fall down a hill with muscles that are cold and tight. Instead, consider a brisk walk of 30 minutes or more to energize the major muscle groups before attempting your fall. You might even include a few seconds of actual jogging to induce the condition known as a "runner's high" -- a state of enhanced well-being often accompanied by a sudden burst of confidence: You can do anything. This feeling isn't remotely accurate, but it's useful nonetheless should your mind be seized with last-minute doubts, or common sense.

Motivation: Falling down a hill is no simple decision for some people; it helps to have additional reasons to encourage you. Perhaps it's an interesting meteorological condition that warrants further scrutiny -- the top of the bluff in bright sunshine, for instance, while the bottom is nearly obscured by fog. Perhaps you can hear voices down below, on the beach, and see the vague outlines of frolickers; curiosity may compel you to press closer for a better view.

Should you notice a perfectly usable concrete footpath gently S-curving its way down the side of the hill, feel free to ignore it; paths are for wimps. Instead, you'll want to see how deftly you can navigate the narrow, nearly vertical dirt trail that's been carved out of the hillside brush. Man against gravity -- what better motivation can there be?

Action: Your moment has arrived. Gently place one foot, then the other, on the dirt trail, being careful to keep your body balanced and your weight evenly distributed. When that quickly proves impossible as you stumble into a rut and pitch slightly forward, attempt to dig one or both heels into the dirt to control your descent. This will be an excellent moment to remember that it was raining cats and dogs all morning, and to consider just how little traction wet dirt provides.

As you begin to accelerate, carefully assess the path ahead for potential stopping areas. Note, for instance, that the trail you're descending will soon intersect that concrete footpath you dismissed so cavalierly just moments ago. Note, too, that this concrete footpath, so wide and wimpy when you first considered it, now seems a good deal narrower as you contemplate using it to go from an all-out sprint to a complete stop in just two strides, and with soggy soles.

Note, finally, the small retaining wall that separates the far side of the concrete path from the rest of the hill, and the beach, and the lake. Recognize that the wall will be much too short to break your fall, but tall enough to send you flying over it about a tenth of a second from now and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it except grab some plant life on the way over and try to hold on tight and hope that the frolickers down at the bottom of the hill can see you through the fog and will come to your rescue or better yet won't see you and will let you pick yourself up in privacy and rinse the blood off your knees and inventory your other body parts and find everything else more or less in working order and stagger back to the top of the hill and home.

So I ask again: Is there any word in all the world more magical than "summer"?

Posted 7/13/03. Rick sees the gravity in situations -- and also the humor. Read his award-winning commentary twice every week right here!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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