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Cheney searches, Cheney finds Bush's (Very) Short ListBy Rick Horowitz
(Exactly
how it happened...)
"...and the one that looks like the cowboy boot is...Italy!" "Excellent, Governor! Those briefing books are starting to pay off. Now, if you can -- " "Excuse me, Governor -- Secretary Cheney is here to see you. Shall I show him in?" "Absolutely -- we were just breaking up. Mr. Secretary! How goes the search?" "Making progress, Governor. We're definitely making -- " "Whoa! Look at all those resumes! I guess lots of folks want to be vice president, huh?" "Not to worry -- I've taken the liberty of sorting the stack into three piles for you: 'Slim Chance,' 'No Chance' and 'Prospects.' I'd recommend that you concentrate on the 'Prospects' pile, which -- " " -- is also the smallest pile. Good work, Dick!" "Well, I know you're very busy. Anything I can do to take some of the burdens off you..." "I really appreciate that, Dick. Why don't you pass that bunch over here and let's see what...oh, Tom Ridge! Great guy, Tom. Great governor, served in Congress, plus he gives us a real shot at carrying Pennsylvania. Let's do it!" "An excellent choice, sir. Truly excellent. And besides, even if the conservatives don't like him, where are they going to go?" "How's that?" "Well, a pro-choice running mate isn't exactly what your base has in mind. But I'm sure it won't be a problem -- even if they stay home, or switch to Buchanan, it probably won't cost you more than two, three percentage points, tops." "Maybe Ridge isn't such a good idea after all." "If you say so. Why don't you try the next one?" "Frank Keating -- my Oklahoma bud! Good guy, Frank. Did a great job after the bombing, don't you think? And our base won't have any trouble with Frank, will they? Let's do it!" "Another excellent choice, Governor. Great hair, too. Of course, he's had to apologize for his jokes from time to time, but who hasn't? And putting two governors on the ticket really sends a message about how little Washington matters these days." "It could be risky, though. I mean, don't voters like some Washington know-how?" "If you say so." "Of course, that also knocks Pataki and all the other governors off the list, too. So if I go the Washington route instead, who's still in this pile? Fred Thompson?" "A fine choice, Governor. A big, tall, handsome man -- he's got real star quality. In fact, I'd say he dominates every room he enters. Every room." "Well, I'm not so sure I like that. Same thing with McCain here -- can't keep him away from those cameras. John Danforth?" "No flash, but very solid. So what if he just cleared Janet Reno on that Waco business?" "Chuck Hagel?" "John McCain thinks the world of him." "Forget Chuck Hagel." "If you say so." "But that's the whole pile! What do we do now?" "I guess we'll just have to cast a wider net, Governor. What you seem to be looking for -- and don't let me put words in your mouth -- is someone who has strong ties to the conservatives but can reach out to moderates, too. Someone with lots of Washington experience -- not just in Congress, say, but maybe even in the White House, or a former Cabinet secretary. Some foreign-policy expertise, of course. Someone who won't be controversial, won't try to hog the spotlight. Not a star -- maybe even a short, chubby, balding kind of guy. That's your ideal running mate. But where can we possibly find such a person?" "Jeez..." "I said, where in the world can we possibly -- " "Hey, wait a minute!" Posted 7/25/00. Searching
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Rick Horowitz