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By George, they've got 'em! Bench StrengthBy Rick Horowitz
PHILADELPHIA -- Here a Bush, there a Bush, everywhere a Bush Bush. We're talking Georges, and plenty of them! If it's not George Herbert Walker ("Poppy") Bush, former president of the United States and burstingly proud dad, then it's George Walker ("Dubya") Bush, governor of Texas and newly minted Republican nominee. Now there's George Prescott ("P.") Bush, heartthrob son of Florida Jeb and his Mexican-born wife -- "P," with the bilingual smile and the bedroom eyes, making his uncle's case to young and Latino voters. But it doesn't stop there -- not at all. The latest advances in genetic engineering and resource management have allowed America's most prominent political family tree to sprout a bevy of extra branches. And our hardworking buyers, always on the lookout for the season's hottest attractions, have filled a warehouse with their finds. So get ready, get set, get shopping! Here's the Campaign 2000 edition of the George Bush Catalog. George Herbert Bush --A spanking new member of the Bush brigade, George Herbert ("Herbie") Bush has those boardroom eyes. He features the slightly gawky, aw-shucks charm of the ex-president, with just a touch of Dubya's amazing backslap skills. Designed to appeal to independent voters in the industrial Midwest and the Great Plains, "Herbie" is sure to be a hit at small- to medium-size rallies where soaring rhetoric takes a back seat to good old-fashioned common sense. George Walker Prescott Bush --Hispanics aren't America's only voting bloc up for grabs this year. "Press" Bush gives the family a shot at the Asian-American vote, a key factor in the crucial state of California and elsewhere. Programmed to speak Japanese, Korean and 14 different Chinese dialects, the half-Asian, half-Caucasian "Press" really knows his way around the Pacific Rim. George Worcestershire Bush --As wild as the bayou that raised him, George Worcestershire ("Tin Can") Bush is the Bush with the bathroom eyes. He brings the whiff of danger to every one of his campaign appearances, whether he's racing through town with his biker buddies or dropping nasty lyrics into "America the Beautiful." "Tin Can" is constructed for maximum appeal to the disaffected blue-color voter. Ready for something different? "Tin Can"'s da man! George Prescott Cavendish Bush --Looking for a Bush with a bit more breeding? "Cav" Bush will certainly fill the bill. The closest he's ever been to an "oil patch" is his salad dressing. Soccer moms will love having him around for cocktails on the deck at sundown. George Walker Cheney Bush --A plainspoken man with a forehead as big as all outdoors, George Walker Cheney ("Puppy") Bush shows "How the West is Won." His soothing voice and genetically reinforced heart offer instant reassurance to the party faithful. George Stanley Livingston Bush --"Winky" Bush has built his life around his faith, a Bible-and-karate-based belief system that small-town audiences are sure to find uniquely inspiring. For a kickin'-fresh approach to the country's latest moral crisis, think "Winky." And don't forget... George Washington Carver Bush --"Inclusiveness" isn't just a convenient concept to the Bushes; it's a way of life. But don't take our word for it -- here's "Spunky" Bush, the first semi-African-American member of the Bush clan. Bred for urban appeal, yet totally unthreatening to white audiences, "Spunky" is the go-to guy in the vote-rich Northeast. Looking for a lock on the Electoral College? Get funky with "Spunky." And try our new Online Catalog for our special 2-for-1 offer! That's right -- on the Web in a limited Signature Edition: George Groucho Harpo Bush and George Chico Zeppo Bush. We're talking twins, and we're talking fun! Online or offline, the Bush 2000 Catalog takes family campaigning to a whole new level, so what are you waiting for? Don't beat around the Bushes -- ORDER TODAY! Posted 8/3/00. And
for the best in campaign satire, order a frequent supply of "Rick's"
stuff!
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Rick Horowitz