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Looking good Take Two Polls and Call Him in the MorningBy Rick Horowitz
TO: '04 SQUAD
Well, they certainly can't say he's unfit to be president. The results are in from Bethesda, and as usual, our guy's annual physical gives us all sorts of good news. You thought he was buff last year. Guess what? He did even better this time. It's true: Last year, the man's heart and lung function put him in the top 2 percent of men over 45. Was he satisfied with that? He was not. So he hit the workouts even harder, and this year, he's in the top 1 percent -- not bad for a 56-year-old! And the rest of his numbers are every bit as solid. All of which played perfectly. We got the thumbs-up photo-op all over free media, which never hurts, but we also got his docs tossing around words like "unbelievable" and "extraordinary," which isn't even a slight exaggeration. Two years out, we're positioned just where we want to be: approval ratings high, triglycerides low. That doesn't mean we're out of danger. (Not that we'll let him see another pretzel between now and Election Day.) The numbers are great, but we have to stay smart so they don't jump up and bite us. Three things on our watch list: 1. The Envy Factor We've got Ari and the others going with the "role model" spin -- "a wonderful example for all Americans," "doesn't drink, smokes only the occasional stogie," "parents can tell their kids," blah-blah-blah. (We'll let talk radio handle the comparisons to Lard Boy.) Add the fitness-freak and grateful-Mom-and-Dad demographics, and we've definitely broadened our base. Unless we start losing people with their own broad base. We've begun doing calls into couch-potato strongholds in Florida and the Upper Midwest, just to make sure the health numbers don't set off some kind of backlash among our more sedentary supporters. So far, no problem:
Which of these statements more accurately reflects your feelings about President Bush? A. I think it's great that our president is in better shape than the rest of us. (64%) B. The president's excellent condition makes me feel like a total blubber ball. (27%) But we need to keep an eye on it. 2. The Distraction Factor The Dems will do what they can to downplay our guy's numbers, seize on any weak spots, or even try to turn the good numbers against him; we have to be ready to respond. Among their likely lines of attack: * "Maybe if he spent less time on the treadmill and more time on the economy..." * "He may have a slight hearing loss, but he certainly hears big business loud and clear." * "If he had to depend on a 401(k), his blood pressure would be right through the roof." * "FDR couldn't jog worth a darn." 3. The Leno/Letterman Factor We can't shut these guys down (Ashcroft's still looking into declaring them "enemy combatants"), but we can certainly try to push the health jokes toward good-natured ribbing done in admiration. What we don't want are any cracks about: * lifting weights instead of briefing books; * body fat concentrated above the neck; * Cheney. Cigar jokes, on the other hand, are a definite plus. Posted 8/8/02. Until
there's national humor insurance, there's Rick. Tell your friends!
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Rick Horowitz
