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What does it all mean? A Defining MomentBy Rick Horowitz "When I use a word," Humpty Condit said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less." "The question is," said Connie Chalice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is," said Humpty Condit, "which is to be master -- that's all."
The congressman's doing nicely so far, don't you think? A few carefully selected interviews, a meticulously calibrated stroll down the modified limited hangout route, and where does it get him? His poll numbers have gone right into the toilet, his party leaders treat him like he's got mad-cow disease, and even his own advisers admit he took a bad situation and made it...excruciating. So much for the p.r. blitz. That smell in the air? It's toast. In the meantime... I haven't a clue about whether Gary Condit played a role in Chandra Levy's disappearance. (I've got my suspicions; I just don't have any clues.) But if there's any justice in the world, they ought to charge the guy right this minute with attempted murder of the English language. Have you ever heard such labored locution, such hair-splitting precision, such repetitive recitation in the service of obfuscation in your life? Actually, you have, and his name was Bill Clinton and he almost got away with it. So now any two-bit sleazeball politician with a scandal on his hands and a camera in his face thinks he can do it, too: Take a tough question, secretly redefine the key words to get some wiggle room, then answer the question, secretly redefining the key words to get some more. Or how else do you explain Condit delivering himself of such a fine assortment of implausibles during his very own Hell's Half Hour with Connie Chung? Why did he want Anne Marie Smith to deny that she'd ever had a relationship with him? "I didn't ask anyone to lie about anything," he said. Why would he want her to sign an affidavit and swear that she didn't have a relationship with him? "Because she didn't." How about Joleen McKay, the former staffer who gave him the watch that came in the famously discarded watch box -- did he have a relationship with her, as she claims? "I did not." Why did he tell Chandra Levy's mother that he hadn't been having an affair with her daughter? "I never lied to Mrs. Levy... I'm sorry if she misunderstood those conversations." And so on. Now, the average viewer, listening to these answers and assuming that they were rendered in the same English that the rest of us use, might have thought that Gary Condit was saying that he didn't have a relationship with Anne Marie Smith, that he didn't have a relationship with Joleen McKay, that he never denied to Susan Levy that he and her daughter were more than just friends. Not quite. It turns out that Gary Condit's version of English isn't the standard version. And no sooner had the howls of disbelief started to issue from people in a position to know than Condit -- and especially Condit's lawyer -- began backtracking. Translating. "In my opinion, we did not have a relationship" -- this is Condit talking to Newsweek about Anne Marie Smith. And her detailed claim to the contrary? "It would probably be her definition of a relationship versus mine." "I don't think the congressman lied about it" -- this is Abbe Lowell talking to Tim Russert about both Smith and McKay. "I understand that they're defining it the way they're defining it." "It is possible that two people have misunderstandings in a conversation" -- Lowell again, talking to Russert about what Condit said to Susan Levy. And also this: "The congressman was upset. Mrs. Levy was upset. I don't know if anybody should trust the congressman's perfect memory on this, or the Levys'." And also this: "He would have not gone out of his way to lie to Mrs. Levy." And also this: "I think people could forgive him that he didn't know exactly the right way to answer that question." And also this: "And if Mrs. Levy heard it one way or if Mr. Condit spoke it the wrong way, he apologizes." "Spoke it the wrong way"?! Any day now: What Gary Condit means by "ask." What Gary Condit means by "lie." What Gary Condit means by... Posted 8/28/01. Come
back to "Rick's" -- where words matter.
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Rick Horowitz
