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The rich get richer You've Never Seen Such Appreciation!By Rick Horowitz
Subject: A Labor
Day Message It has recently come to my attention that the Labor Day holiday is just around the corner, so I thought it would be appropriate to offer each of you a short break (not to exceed five minutes) from your daily exertions while I share some heartfelt holiday thoughts. Without the contributions of hundreds and hundreds of dedicated employees such as yourselves, perfectly.com would not be where it is today -- an industry leader and an amazing success story, poised for even greater growth in the years ahead. The devotion and unswerving loyalty of You the Working Stiff are the foundation, and even the support beams, of everything we do. Because of your efforts in the "trenches," your management team has become wealthy beyond its wildest dreams, and I think you'll agree that you've done pretty well, too. Not as well as we have, but we're the management team -- what did you expect? I know that in the past few days, a small number of hotheads on the assembly line have been trying to ruin your morale by distributing newspaper articles that allege great differences in pay between ordinary factory workers and top management people in certain leading companies. According to one of these "studies," while top executives used to earn only 40 times as much as their workers, they now earn more than 400 times as much. And while worker salaries since 1990, according to these "studies," have gone up just a few points more than the inflation rate, top executives' compensation has more than quintupled. Don't let them fool you with numbers! This is a thoroughly bogus comparison. For one thing, our management-compensation packages consist not only of our massive salaries, huge bonuses and incredible perks, but also options on hundreds of thousands of shares of perfectly.com stock, whose worth is virtually impossible to calculate. I've seen the value of my own holdings fluctuate by literally millions of dollars in a single afternoon -- you have no idea of the pressure! Fortunately, the board of directors understands, which is why they recently increased my base pay by another $2.2 million. Some of you more "gullible" types may be wondering, "Why are they getting all the big bucks? We do all the heavy lifting around here! We're the ones with the skills and the talent!" Maybe so -- but who had the smarts to hire you? So quit your bellyaching. As I always say, "There's no room on the bottom line for jealousy." In any event, to show that there are no hard feelings, I'm delighted to invite you to a fun-filled pre-Labor Day Celebration tomorrow afternoon. I was sitting in my $10 million lakeside home just this morning, in fact, when it occurred to me that I had never had all the employees of perfectly.com out for a visit to share in our good fortune. Then my wife pointed out that we'd get the carpets dirty. So we'll meet in the cafeteria instead. Please join us for our first annual "Salute to the Little Guy," a festive tribute to all our employees, no matter how insignificant. We'll have musical entertainment from the Human Resources Chorus -- I'm told they do a really amusing version of "Joe Hill" -- plus a nice selection of tasty hors d'oeuvres (limit 3 per person), plus magic tricks from Otto the Dwarf. We know you'll have a wonderful time, and I'm looking forward to the chance to personally shake hands with each of you, unless I have to go to a meeting. Without you, perfectly.com is nothing but a large parcel of underutilized office space. But with you, we're keeping those investors salivating. So come and be part of the good times. Employees with odd-numbered ID cards will report to the cafeteria at 12 noon; employees with even-numbered ID cards will report at 12:20. Please have your nametags visible at all times. Attendance will be taken. Yours in solidarity. Posted
8/31/99. Workers of the world, visit Rick's! Fresh stuff right here
twice weekly!
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Rick Horowitz