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Boots on the ground

Help Wanted -- Not That We're Desperate

By Rick Horowitz

[From the White House files: an early draft.]

Dear Fellow World Leaders:

I'm back in Washington after a restful month down at my ranch near Crawford, Texas. While I was away, I had plenty of time to think about the state of the world, and especially about our great global war against terrorism. Those were three of the most productive hours I've ever spent.

I want to share some of those thoughts with you, and also offer you an opportunity to play a vital role in our continuing presence in Iraq. Or maybe I should say "an even more vital role" in our continuing presence in Iraq -- that is, beyond the vital role many of you are already playing: standing on the sidelines and criticizing.

Our coalition of the willing has already accomplished many things in Iraq -- so many things that we haven't even had time to get to some of the stuff that was on our original list of reasons for invading the place. But since I've pretty much stopped talking to the American people about the things we haven't accomplished, I'm not about to discuss them with the likes of you.

On the other hand, we've removed the cruel dictator Saddam Hussein from power -- his regime is never coming back. We've killed or captured most of his top henchmen. And we've got al Qaeda terrorists on the run. Many of them seem to be running toward Baghdad, but that just makes it easier to find them.

Anyway, Don Rumsfeld and I were wondering whether you'd be interested in sending us some of your troops. Not that we need your troops -- we're perfectly capable of fighting and winning this war with our own forces, plus those of our brave coalition partners. But if you've got a few thousand soldiers you're not using at the moment, we can probably figure out something to do with them.

We haven't worked out a specific division of responsibilities yet, except that we'll still be in command on the military side, of course. (We'll also be in command on the political side.) Still, with all the fighting and dying happening in Iraq these days, we figure there's more than enough to go around, and we know you'll want your young men and women to take their fair share. Of the responsibilities, I mean.

Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking to yourselves: Why the sudden shift? Are the Americans actually asking for help?

At the White House, we don't think of it as a shift, sudden or otherwise. We prefer to think of it as an evolution. And we never ask for help. We're Americans.

It was always our plan to get the rest of the world community, as well as the United Nations and other international organizations, involved in rebuilding Iraq. As the war and the post-war have moved from the "liberate and grab all the glory" phase to the "why do they keep attacking us?" phase, naturally our strategy has also moved. In fact, one of my first reactions when all those bombs exploded recently in Iraq was, "Where are our good friends the French? Where are our good friends the Germans? They should be part of this!"

But if you don't want to, that's your decision, and you'll have to live with it -- and that goes for the rest of you, too. We're going to win in Iraq whether you're with us or not, but hey, if you don't have the guts to get involved when the peace and stability of the world are at stake, no big deal.

Just wait, though, till you come running to us for a seat at the table. Too bad. You could have had a real say in shaping Iraq's future, not to mention a shot at any contract that Halliburton didn't want.

So think about it (the sooner, the better) and let me know: Are you in or are you out?

Not that it matters. We don't care. And we don't beg.

Posted 9/05/03. Read Rick if you want to. You think he cares? (You bet he does!)


Send Rick a note!Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator, writing coach and public speaker

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