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Read all about it! All the News That's...Missing. (Again.)By Rick Horowitz
You're a fan of the printed word or you wouldn't be reading these particular printed words at this very moment, am I right? So you know just how satisfying it is to start off your day with a cup of hot liquid and the daily paper. You may even decide that the liquid is optional -- but not the paper. No doubt about it, there's nothing like your favorite newspaper at the front door at daybreak. Which is exactly what I've been finding lately: nothing like my favorite newspaper at the front door at daybreak. This morning, for instance -- the paper should have been here hours ago. It's not. It's not at the front door, where it's supposed to be. It's not on the lawn, where I've been finding it occasionally. (Especially when it's been raining, and I'm barefoot.) It's not even 20 feet down the front path, where I've also been finding it occasionally. (Especially when I've decided I can lean out the door in my underwear.) Where it is, in fact, is nowhere. Call it a habit, reading the morning paper; I like having it around. Call it an addiction; I really, really like having it around. Call it what you want; I call the 800 number. I call to report a missing paper, and they're perfectly sympathetic. They'll give me a day's credit on my bill, or they'll send out a replacement paper later in the morning -- whichever way I want to play it. I know this because I've been having this same conversation with the people at the 800 number for months. They're perfectly sympathetic, every one of them, and unfailingly polite. They're sorry for the inconvenience, and they promise to let my local distributor know about the problem; my local distributor, they assure me, will pass the word to my carrier. And I'm sure my local distributor does exactly that, because each time I call, things improve for a while. Then the paper turns up missing again. The last time I called -- before this morning, that is -- they were especially sympathetic. They even promised to take the matter to "a higher level." I was afraid to ask -- divine intervention? -- but I appreciated their concern, and I told them so. I figure people always appreciate feeling appreciated. They'll give you that extra effort when you show your gratitude. Which is why I'm wondering if there's something else going on here, appreciation-and-gratitude-and-extra-effort-and-missing-paper-wise. I didn't tip our carrier last Christmas. I just forgot -- that's all. We got the little card from our carrier last November or so, the same as always: the little card telling us how pleased she is to serve us, along with the little self-addressed stamped envelope just in case we'd like to share similar sentiments (and more) with her. A little aggressive maybe, but how else are we going to know where to send the money? Anyway: Every year we fill the envelope, but last year, I forgot. I was wrestling with various family crises and it just slipped my mind. The same way our newspaper suddenly started slipping hers, and at roughly the same time. Coincidence? Or payback? Now, I'm sure that once I realized my lapse, I could have found the little envelope, stuffed it with currency and sent it on its way with an apologetic note: "Sorry this is late. (Can I have my newspapers again?)" But at that point, I would have felt that I was caving in to blackmail. After all, why should I be paying her "something extra" when she's isn't even doing what she's supposed to do? Of course, if she was holding a grudge, and I didn't tip her, things were never going to get any better. On the other hand -- I opted for cheap and principled over generous and wimpy. I kept the little envelope empty on my desk, and I kept hoping that the folks at the 800 number would come to my rescue, would get my carrier to do right by me even if I hadn't done exactly right by her. It's working pretty well so far, don't you think? Posted 9/7/00. Get
fresh Rick right here twice a week -- and you don't have to tip a soul!
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Rick Horowitz