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Captured! Give Him Enough Rope...By Rick Horowitz
Assume they've got him. Assume they hand him over. Assume we try him. Assume we convict him. Then what? The "him" in question being one Ramzi bin al-Shibh, just grabbed up in Pakistan and said to be one of the central players in the planning of the September 11 attacks. Said by U.S. officials, that is -- and apparently even said by bin al-Shibh himself, in a TV interview recently broadcast on al-Jazeera. Which goes to show you that bragging gets you nowhere. What capture gets you, on the other hand, is U.S. custody. But then what? What if we actually put him on trial, and a jury or a tribunal finds him guilty? What happens next? What should happen next? You'll be pleased to hear that I've been thinking about these very questions. "The death penalty!" you shout. "If anyone should get the death penalty, it's a scheming, murdering beast like Ramzi bin al-Shibh!" True enough. I'll admit it: I'm no fan of the death penalty, but if I were ever inclined to make an exception, Ramzi bin al-Shibh and his comrades in carnage would be exactly the sort of scum I'd make an exception for. But that, as a famous American used to say, would be the easy thing to do. Push the button, throw the switch, insert the needle, and it's "Bye-bye, Ramzi." End of problem. I don't like it. He doesn't deserve it. He deserves worse. A quick, gentle, painless death? Where's the justice in that? Remember: This was a guy who wanted to die, who applied four times for a visa to enter the United States, who -- if the authorities are right -- was the original "20th hijacker," who was supposed to be on one of the al-Qaeda teams that sad September morning, whose idea of a good day was sitting in a fuel-packed jet when it hit something large. So what's the point of killing him now? He's perfectly willing to go, though his preference, of course, would be to take a few thousand innocent Americans along with him. No. I say we lock him away in a dark and tiny room. No visitors, no al-Jazeera interviews, just enough food to keep him more or less alive, and plenty of time to let him contemplate -- or go crackers -- all by himself. And every once in a while, we throw him off a building. Seriously: He seems to be so thrilled with the idea of people dropping from skyscrapers. I say we give him a chance to do it himself. He might be locked away in a tiny room, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be allowed a bit of fresh air now and again, right? And is there any air fresher than the air 100 stories up? Of course not. So every once in a while, the authorities could haul him to the roof of a major skyscraper, let him take in the view for a minute or two, and then throw him over the edge. Just imagine what interesting thoughts would be going through his head as his head -- and the rest of his body -- started plunging toward the sidewalk and picking up speed and -- "Wait a second!" you cry. "I thought you said you didn't want to kill him! If you throw him off a skyscraper, he'll still be dead! He'll get himself ready to enter Paradise, and then he'll splatter all over the pavement!" Good point. Did I mention the bungee cord? See, the bungee cord is a key part of my plan. The authorities would throw bin al-Shibh off a skyscraper, but first they'd strap him to a bungee cord. The cord would let him drop until he's just five feet from the ground, and then it would yank him right up again! He might prepare himself for Paradise, but the only place he'd be landing is back in his prison cell with a stiff neck and a rotten future. I figure they could do this to the guy every year or two -- off the roof, five feet from the ground -- but not on any kind of regular, predictable schedule. Whenever the mood hits them. It's better that way. And somewhere down the road, maybe 20, 25 years from now, they buy a longer cord. Posted 9/17/02. Get
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Rick Horowitz
