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Lush life It's the Little Things That CountBy Rick Horowitz Every now and again, I think I'm feeling a twinge of sympathy for all those high-flyers who've been caught up in the current batch of corporate scandals. Then I realize it's just gas. It can't be easy, having your life in luxury's lap suddenly come crashing down around your ears. Then again, the kind of things some of these folks allegedly did to grab so much loot for themselves makes it hard to find the energy to throw them a decent pity party. And of course, the way some of them chose to spend that loot (or more accurately, the way some of them cracked the company piggy bank to cover even more of their personal...needs) -- Or do you have a $15,000 umbrella stand, too? Let's talk Tyco. You've heard of Tyco, yes? Tyco International is the giant conglomerate that manufactures ridiculously well-compensated executives. (They may have other items in their product line, but self-enrichment is surely the one that's nearest and dearest to their hearts.) Tens of millions of dollars in bonuses, tens of millions more in loans that were later forgiven. How much Tyco's board knew about all this, and how much happened behind the board's back, is still up for grabs. But if the charges against two of Tyco's top guys -- including L. Dennis Kozlowski, the former chairman and CEO -- are accurate, we've got ourselves a $600 million fraud scheme. Which is why I'd rather concentrate on the umbrella stand. On the coat hangers. Even on the wastebasket. The big big numbers are too big to grasp, but the little big numbers tell you all you really need to know about living large. I mean, can you even wrap your mind around the idea of a $29.7 million house-and-land package in Boca Raton? In New York, how about a $7 million Park Avenue co-op? And that's the cheap one -- according to Tyco's recent internal investigation, Kozlowski picked up a second apartment, over on Fifth Avenue, for a paltry $16.8 million. So what if it was a fixer-upper? Or at least that's what it must have been, or why else would Kozlowski have needed to spend another $3 million to renovate the place, and $11 million more to furnish it? See what I mean? Numbers too big to grasp. Which is why it was so nice of Tyco to break some of them down for us. That umbrella stand, for instance. Now personally, I've never owned an umbrella stand, so I don't know exactly what they cost, but I'm sure they don't cost $15,000. Of course, Kozlowski's umbrella stand isn't an ordinary umbrella stand; it's a "dog umbrella stand." Is that an umbrella stand shaped like a dog? Or an umbrella stand designed to store some dog's umbrella? Beats me. Either way, I don't see why anyone would spend $15,000 for it. But then, I'm not L. Dennis Kozlowski -- and apparently it wasn't his money anyway. And how about the "traveling toilet box"? Is that some fancy case to fill with toiletries and take on a trip? Or a Port-A-Potty for the prosperous? I can't tell you. I can tell you that Kozlowski's traveling toilet box cost somebody $17,100. I can also tell you that the sewing basket cost $6,300. That the shower curtain cost $6,000. That two sets of sheets cost $5,960. (Must be nice sheets. No word about whether they threw in the pillowcases.) Then there are the coat hangers: $2,900. The "gilt metal wastebasket": $2,200. The notebook: $1,650. Compared to which, the pincushion -- at a mere $445 -- is pretty much a steal. Interesting word, that. Posted 9/24/02. Rick
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Rick Horowitz
